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Deep Tea Diving: Week 2

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Artwork by Jess Zlotnick Artwork by Jess Zlotnick

The stupol family barbecue

SRC council is like a family barbecue. No one wants to be there, the conversation is all about politics, everyone hates everyone else and it’s everyone’s wish for the whole thing to get cancelled.

Which is exactly what happened to the SRC’s most recent shindig. Last Wednesday’s council meeting was declared inquorate due to underwhelming attendance.

Councillors were creative with their excuses, like the time you avoided your aunt’s baby shower by claiming you were allergic to babies. Manning Jeffrey of the Libs (definitely not the Mod Libs as he was keen to assure us) sent his apologies, saying he had an exam the following day. Jeffrey must study some high-intensity units to already have exams in Week 1.

President Imogen Grant was feeling the love, though less like Simba and Nala, and more like your weird uncle who lives in Nimbin and brings weed to your grandmother’s birthdays. “Attending Council gives me an MDMA-esque high,” Grant declared in a Facebook post after council was postponed. “Let’s have all 33 councillors attend next week so we can all experience the high together!” This little mermaid thinks it’s more likely barbecue attendees were experiencing the high in the bathrooms at the Royal after learning their Wednesday night was suddenly free.

Family matriarch and council secretary Julia Robins tried rescheduling council to this Wednesday. To do that, she needed 15 councillors to email her asking for a new meeting. After several desperate requests, only ten councillors had replied by Saturday night. Shame that, under the SRC regs, Robins needs to announce a meeting with five business days’ notice. Looks like the stupol family will have this Wednesday free as well! 

Real family barbecues

Meanwhile, outside the halls of power, real students have been feasting on real barbecues up and down lawns of this University. Clubs and societies launched their social programmes with Wednesday sausage sizzles. This little mermaid heard a sizzle held by Gaius Gracchus, the Ancient History and Classics club, was nearly victim to a bout of botulism when the USU rental barbecue failed to heat up. Good thing the Australian Union of Jewish Students was on hand with a back up burner! Hope the Romans ate kosher sausages!   

Crying in the club

This Honi mermaid has heard whisperings of an unknown “deal” in a “club” between Finch the Binch (Lachlan Finch of the Libdependents) and Wherrett the Ferrett (Connor Wherrett from Unity, Labor Right). Whether these mysterious happenings occurred at a University ‘club’ on campus, or at a nightclub in Havana, this writer has no idea. Both men are tipped to run as candidates for Union Board, so our best bet is to expect a preference deal between them, if these two are still allies by election time.