A Cinderella Series: Arts Ball

Time to dust off your glass slippers and relive the final ball for 2018 before the clock strikes 12

arts ball cover image

Arts Ball: the night of all nights. The theme for 2018’s ball is ‘A Night at the Gallery’ and the first thing that springs to mind is how refreshing it is to have a genuinely fitting idea—a night at the gallery? How artsy.

But, on the night, this feeling was quickly replaced by some deeper existential questions that went beyond the $139 ticket price: why a gallery and what’s really on show? The cutting edge of human expression? Or a cesspool of horny arts students engaging in social niceties? Is there a difference?

The night began with an impressive display of grandeur. Le Montage, the hosting venue with water views of Lilyfield’s Iron Cove, was draped in healthy tones of off-white, ice grey and black. Upon arrival, guests were greeted by two masked stilt walkers—the first indication of the night’s vibe. We weren’t in for a framed exhibition, but rather an Abramović-style display that would put PRFM1001 students to shame. Champagne glasses brimming with rosé clinked, while echoes of “what’s your LinkedIn?” and “I’ll have a Peroni, thanks” rang throughout the night.

In a positive development from last year’s event, where attendees had to sustain themselves on stand-around canapes, this year’s guests were treated to a three course, sit-down meal. Dinner, steak or chicken, was punctuated by a fiery performance from two torch jugglers. Speeches began with 2018 Sydney Arts Students Society (SASS) President, Lachlan Finch, choosing to open his welcome with an eloquent “Yo yo, yo yo yo yo, yo”. Soon after, someone drunkenly stole the mic and yelled to the masses: “WHO IS LACHLAN FINCH?” Honestly, same.

Dinner was followed by awards, including one presented to the incumbent president, Brooke Salzmann, who announced the huge achievement of the SASS 2019 executive boasting an equal gender balance. Dancing for the rest of the night was a go, with the DJ banging out pure classics including ‘September’, ‘Breaking Free’ and ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody’.

We asked for art and art, we were delivered. On display was a nude male ice sculpture, staring into the abyss—a questionable decision on a 38 degree day. By the end of the night, the biggest attraction had thawed down into a mutated nugget. It turned out the real performance artists were the attendees themselves, who were gracefully spotted groping the water lump’s nether region and licking its melted abs. Their masterpieces will be forever displayed in a blue-flashed Boomerang on an Insta story highlight near you.

Fact Sheet:

Date:  November 2 2018

Time: 6:30-11:00pm

Theme: A Night at the Gallery

Ticket prices: Access $139, Non-Access $144 

Entertainment: 2 Masked stilt walkers, 2 torch jugglers, DJ, photo booth, nude male ice sculpture, speeches and a set of light up ‘SASS’ letters.

After Party: Cargo Bar

Final Tally:

  • 1x four-tier SASS branded cake, “provided by USyd”
  • 1x “Can I just say tonight I’m taken, because I’m married to money”–some SASS exec.
  • 300x SASS branded fabric wristbands for entry into afters