Prime Minister and noted crisis-handling expert Scott Morrison graced us with his divine wisdom last week regarding coronavirus and its effects on the day-to-day lives of the Australian public.
In a live address, Morrison assured viewers: “So long as Australians keep being Australians, we’ll get through this together.”
You might think this is a hollow attempt at comforting a nation at the brink of mass hysteria, but patriotism might just be that last spark of hope to guide you through the long, awful-smelling tunnel that is 2020.
Here’s the Rodent’s top tips for staying Australian during the ongoing coronavirus outbreak!
- Watch the footy!
- Shield yourself in a fort made of Australian flags!
- Keep watching the footy!
Go to the beach!
- Make the leap from casual racism to full-time racism!
- Blast Packed to the Rafters: The Soundtrack Volume 2 as you stand half-naked on your balcony, but also wear a face mask!
- Tell your son that he coughs like a girl!
- Drink yourself into a state of total numbness to erase any anxiety you had about the societal collapse the virus has already initiated!
- Get into a fist-fight with someone about the footy!
- Or just sit back and relax with an ice cold Coron – sorry, VB