Comedy //

Bobby Shmurda fights for our freedom

Aidan Pollock, Clinton Correctional Facility Correspondent

Rapper Ackquille Jean Pollard, professionally known as Bobby Shmurda, made news recently after calling for the release of “everyone currently under this stay-at-home business”, adding “It just isn’t very cash shmoney.” Mr Shmurda has started a petition in hopes of achieving his goal, although as of the time of writing it has not been made available digitally.

The petition, a bruised piece of paper which Shmurda placed against the glass for me to view, has come under heavy flak under allegations of duplicity. Eleven names have currently signed it, nine being his fellow inmates, while two are Shmurda’s professional alias and his birth name. When questioned Shmurda responded. “I thought if there were more names it’d be taken more seriously.” 

This campaign takes inspiration from the “Free Bobby Shmurda” movement, which saw a great deal of traction online following his arrest in late 2014.  “I’ll never forget that shit. That was very cash shmoney.” Shmurda reflects. “After all that, I just wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t match that energy now.”

Although this act may come out of the blue for some, Shmurda is quick to remind people of his difficult life. “I understand loss. Back in 2014, when we were shooting the music video for Hot [REDACTED]  I lost my favourite hat. That kind of thing sticks with you, you don’t forget how that feels.”

As visiting time concluded I thanked Shmurda for his time. He pretended not to hear me, asking instead for help on his latest song. “Does Bologna rhyme with Corona?” Upon my answer Shmurda became visibly upset, leaving the room hurriedly. He did not take the petition with him.