Comedy //

USU In-Camera Sex Cult REVEALED!

Who? Weekly has discovered what goes down when the peasants aren't watching.

USU Board Meetings? More like USU Butt Meat-ings! That’s right – those notorious ‘in-camera’ sessions during Board Meetings are just a front for the Board Directors’ secret sex society: U.R.E.T.H.R.A. (Union Recreational Ejactualation, Tickling, Heavy Rimming and Anal). 

A Union worker tells us that, while “the Pulp cucks” wait patiently in a Zoom breakout room for the Board to finish their ‘confidential business’, the Directors head to Manning Bar, don their robes and penis masks, and commence the ritual they refer to as ‘The Big Fuck’. 

As part of this, the Directors use their “sacred names.  These include: I Rim Ma (Hole), Cady Bound, Bendy Schlong, Ben Hymen, Quicky In, Boobies(?) Lots(!), Dick Jiggly, Blow In Da Bomb Ass, Pullout Willy-Weak, Cummer Wet, and Nick Forbutt. 

The Senate Appointed Directors, who are referred to as Stained Bummond and Many Leaks, are apparently the leaders of this cult, and participate in an infrequent ceremony known as ‘The Senate Suck-and-Fuck’. 

The unfortunate staff members who have witnessed the society’s rituals have all been fired this year under the guise of “financial constraints”. More like staff un-cuts!

Unfortunately, invites are closed.

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