Comedy //

Fisher library guards to be armed with military surplus weapons

Honi's military correspondents report.

Fisher library will arm its employees with military-grade weapons to enforce their ongoing fight against unauthorised access.

“I take my job very seriously,” Jenina Pastizzi told Honi as she loaded her M202A1 FLASH rocket launcher.

“And that means I’ve gotta have serious equipment.”

Fisher Library’s staff have been given kill-on-sight orders for any student they find without a student card on the premises.

Honi’s interview was sadly cut short as our military correspondents had left their student cards at home. 

In the same week, the University revealed that the F23 Building – famously named after the NORTHOP YF23 fighter jet – will have rail guns installed to shoot down all militant students occupying the premises.

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