Comedy //

Head to head: Amyl

Poppers good?

For: Cockswayne Hargrave

I love amyl. Poppers. Jungle juice. If you think amyl simply expands your butthole you are queerphobic. It does so much more than that. It expands my heart. It reminds me of when I sniffed my mother’s Sharpies as a child, back when I used to suck at her teat. AAAHHH, AMYL!!!! Those twenty sweet seconds before penetration literally transport me to another dimension. One where I am an oinky oinky pig getting sent to the muddy slaughterhouse. And if you want to be a bit more fashionable when sniffing these bad boys, you can pour some on a cotton ball and put it in a sippy cup. A sock! A ziplock bag! Just like my mum used to make my sandwiches.

Against: Emyly Darlinghurst

FUCK amyl. Once I did amyl and it gave me a headache. Also an anxiety attack. I thought I was going to go blind for like twenty seconds. I’m sticking to the nang suppositories next time.