Comedy //

FASS Dean under hermeneutic suspicion of wage theft

Know her name.

The Dean of the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences, Jagose (who has no first name), today spoke out about the gendered impacts of being accused of wage theft.

“The clear-eyed, all-knowing ideologists with their hermeneutically suspicious motives have demystified and interpellated me to no end,” Jagose told The Boot over a cheese platter and prosecco at her ideologically activatable managerial brunch at Forum this morning.

“I’m not the first person to note that, while the authority of the public man is augmented by praises of ‘fiscal prudence,’ the public woman is undermined by the claim of ‘wage theft.’”

“In light of these paranoid readings, I am proposing the obliteration of the Political Economy department and every casual staff member,” Jagose continued, her grip on a dog-eared copy of Judith Butler’s Gender Trouble tightening under the table.

Jagose informed her colleague Stephen that she would be appearing in a feminist panel on Q+A next week to discuss the impacts of false wage theft accusations on gender pay inequities in upper management, the mental health of university #girlbosses, and their pet dogs who are having to take antidepressants.

“The effort to identify the enemy as singular in form is a reverse-discourse that uncritically mimics the strategy of the oppressor instead of offering a different set of terms,” Jagose was heard muttering to herself as she used the stolen wages of casuals to purchase a $33 plant-based burger.