All Too Well? Not at Courtyard

Courtyard's music doesn't hit the right note.

Customers at the trendiest café on campus were left concerned for their barista’s wellbeing after All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version) was included in the cafe’s playlist for two consecutive days. Initial confusion was reported as people attempted to discern if it was the five-minute or extended version of the song.

“At first, I thought I was mishearing things. But as soon as I heard that line about the car keys, I knew someone was going through it” stated Darcy Campbell, a third-year history student.

Honi can reveal that the first day the song was played at Courtyard, it was included among Taylor Swift’s entire discography. Whilst a divisive musical move — and certainly one which people who still haven’t come to terms with their internalised misogyny would not like —  this ultimately made sense in the context of the playlist.

The second day, however, paints a more concerning picture. The ten-minute track was accompanied by A Great Big World’s 2014 hit Say Something (feat. Christine Aguilera) and The Fray’s How to Save a Life. One café-goer, who would prefer to remain unnamed, called for a welfare check on  all workers at the café after the playlist soured their experience of the potato and rosemary pizza. They stated , “look everyone’s had a rough time these past two years, but seriously, I spent $8.00 on half a pizza, and I’d like to enjoy it without thinking about my romantic failures.” 

An extensive Honi investigation, conducted in the midst of ordering one (1) large oat flat white, has found that Courtyard music was initially decided by a barista. They explained that it was before they “got in trouble from management for playing too much Taylor Swift. Now it’s just the shitty auto Spotify playlists.” On paper, this statement may be easily dismissed as typical of a disgruntled employee. However, it was instantly corroborated by the whisper of Pharrell Williams’ Happy playing from the speakers – proving that the commercialisation of the student experience extends well beyond our hefty HECS debts, and deep into the soundscape of our campus.