Week One Whorescopes

Aries: Go out and take over that dance floor! The past week has been so busy but your fire needs you to do a boogie, wink at that person in the moshpit and drink goon from your nose (don’t)!

Taurus: Being on the Earth is comfortable but have you ever wandered through the air? Not all your communications need to be straight-faced, go add that little spice to your sexting game — a surprise photoshoot building up to your next sexual interaction perhaps?

Gemini: Sometimes the most soulful connections are right in front of us. If you have been swooning over your workmate, neighbour, or an old acquaintance, now is the time to lean in for a kiss (with consent for fuck’s sake).

Cancer: You love the bounty of water bodies, so take a break from the immense drama you always find yourself in and have a little cry in the water. For once, don’t cry over someone just for a healing kick, you crybaby. 

Leo: People might call you cocky and sometimes they are right but they don’t know your potential as a charming, understandable partner. Leave that grump aside for a bit and unleash your vulnerability because people are dying to see it.

Virgo: Big time swiping actions on the chart — mostly mundane but there’s still an element of spice. Some interesting exploration of your sexual needs is on its way so pace yourself!

Libra: High school romances are embarrassing but you are going to feel the same adrenaline rush and butterflies soon. There might not be so much sex involved (dry spells are important) but you will be on your tiptoes singing early 2000s Taylor on the top of your lungs.

Scorpio: Your surroundings are important to you so paint your walls a crazy neon and amp them up with cuttings that lift your mood. Plain blue walls don’t even turn on Cockroaches, let alone humans who want to become one with your body.

Sagittarius: Visual pornography can get monotonous and you should dip your feet in the realms of audio porn. This is the time for you to work out where dirty talk, pleasure and passionate moaning take you sexuality.

Capricorn: As you enter a time of recuperation you will find that being outdoors, journaling random sexual thoughts can provide an inspiration for other aspects of your life. You do not have to prove anything to anyone but yourself so go ahead and draw all the vivid sex you want to have. 

Aquarius: Mercury has descended from your sphere but you should not lose your main character energy. You might be lonely and trying to make impulsive love decisions, but is it worth it for moments of silly pleasure? 

Pisces: You are trying to get over your stigma around having fun with your long-distance lover imagining what online sex would be like: playing around with gestures, angular changes and laughing flirtily through the process.