A Guide to Spotting Hot People On Campus
For the uninitiated, hottie spotting is the practice of moving through the world with a keen eye for the gorgeous people among us. The activity also involves texting your friends that you just saw a total ten out of ten, and imagining how nice your two year anniversary trip to Europe will be.
As a perpetually single gal with a penchant for daydreaming, I consider myself a well-versed purveyor of the ancient art of hottie spotting. For the uninitiated, hottie spotting is the practice of moving through the world with a keen eye for the gorgeous people among us. The activity also involves texting your friends that you just saw a total ten out of ten, and imagining how nice your two year anniversary trip to Europe will be.
A seasoned spotter of stunners, I — as a community minded individual — have decided to share with you a comprehensive guide of where to go (and where not to go) if you’re going to be spotting hotties at USyd.
The thing about Fisher is that it is a fundamentally basic choice. As the most obvious choice of library on campus, it doesn’t have the dangerously ambitious yet irritatingly arrogant charm of the Law Library, nor the discerning vibes and underground atmosphere of Schaffer, and the patrons reflect that.
Those who frequent Fisher may be hot, but the hottie with personality chooses another location for their study grind. The key benefit of Fisher, though, is the volume. Even though it is near impossible to find a decent spot anymore, the fact that there is not an empty seat means that, if you are dedicated to your cause, and willing to walk up and down stairs, you will be able to find a hottie.
5/10. For the committed hottie spotter only.
As the premier location on campus to grab a meal between classes, the snacks served at Courtyard are not just of the food variety. With a high volume of babes passing through over the course of the day, you’re sure to find someone who takes your fancy as you spy them over your cup of coffee.
I have on good notice that if you take a couple extra steps into the Bevery Room, you’re sure to catch the SUDS hotties before rehearsals. They may be theatre kids, but every A-List Hollywood knockout once started in the same place…
9/10. A meal and a hottie show.
Under no circumstances should you sit in the ABS to spot your next hottie. “But there’s so many people there!” I hear you cry “Surely the volume is worth it!”. Well, in this author’s (correct) opinion, the heightened risk that your new soulmate will be a commerce student is not worth any potential reward.
Furthermore, the ABS is on the other side of campus from, functionally, everything else. Is it worth having to go on a hottie hike? For the possible reward of having the stock market mansplained to you? If you believe so, I ask you to engage in some deep, personal reflection.
1/10. Beware of the Comm Bros.
New Law Building
Not for the faint of heart, deciding to spot hotties in the epicentre of Law-Student-Land is a Choice, with a capital C. This Choice is only for the unfortunate members of society who have realised that despite their best efforts, their type is an overcommitted, vexatious, law student.
Given our law-studying buddies are captured by the grindset, they are always on campus, meaning if you frequent their haunts, such as the new law building, you will be sure to find someone. Beware however, that even if you do find the ill-advised love of your life, it is entirely possible they will be too busy with clerkship season to pay attention to you.
3/10. Like blue cheese, an acquired taste.
In Your Classes
It is a total miracle, if when you walk into your class, you discover, delicately placed among the rows of chairs, a breathtaking babe. The hottie in your tutorial is perhaps the only thing that can ensure perfect attendance, with the highlight of your week being the chance that they will also decide it’s worth coming to the class they pay exorbitant amounts of money for.
Unlike almost every other option on this list, the unique benefit of the in class cutie is that you don’t have to play the game from afar. Unlike the intimidating task of going up to a total stranger and begging them for a coffee, you have thirteen weeks to capture the attention of your gorgeous classmate.
However, the thing about the in class hottie, is that unlike most of the other options on this list, you will have to weather the storm that is them answering academic questions within your earshot. There is no greater turn off than discovering that your favourite hunk has a big hunk of nothing between their ears, when they give the most asinine response to the simplest query. Even worse is when you’re so down bad, you discover yourself joining the circus to defend the clownish answer they gave.
8/10. High risk, high reward.
If you’re into a hottie with a cause, hanging around Wentworth will allow you to pick one up. Everyone in that building has a cause, from the Honi editors trying to (s)lay-up every Sunday, to the SRC councillors fighting the good fight.
If you’re into the public humiliation that is having to change your Facebook profile picture twice a year, wandering down Eastern avenue in brightly coloured shirts, and having your name kept on a colour coded spreadsheet, you might be one of the strongest members of society. You also will probably meet your soulmate at Wentworth, although it’s unclear if we really need any more stupol power couples in our lives.
6/10. Not for everyone.
Secret Bonus Location
Our final location is an elusive, ever changing place that may span any and all locations across campus, but is the only location for hottie spotting with a one hundred percent hit rate. Dear readers, that place is wherever on campus your author decides to reside. As the premier hottie on campus, wherever I am, is hottie central.
10/10. Hotties, hit me up.