Top 5 Disney Songs to Have Kinky Heteronormative Sex To

Mickey and Minnie
5. Kiss the Girl

Perhaps a bit vanilla, what with the romantic overtones and such, but deep down a profoundly kinky song. You don’t just kiss the girl, you kiss her surrounded by dozens of voyeuristic sea creatures egging you on, as if it were a college party. And when the male character says “you know I feel really bad not knowing your name”, you realise you’re in bed with a complete stranger, and you realise how hot it is you picked them up on the side of the road, not knowing who they are, what they do, or what they are capable of doing.  Sure, the Afro-Carribean beats and moonlit vibes set the mood, but the danger of the unknown is the real kicker.4. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Remember Mary Poppins? The proper, perfect, maternal figure? Her soothing voice compelled us to see the bright side of clean rooms and etiquette; but now you’re older, and you have deep Freudian issues. How do you let out that frustration? Play this song, have sex at 120 beats a minute, let the gibberish make you go into delirium, tear those negative feelings apart, delve into the taboo and embrace the darkness of your past. Just make sure you’re with someone who will let you cry into them after it’s all over.

3. I Just Can’t Wait To Be KingThis song is perfect for those times you just wan’t to sub/dom each other. When you’re transitioning the swap between top and bottom, make sure you play this song to know who’s who! While Simba is going on about how much he wants to be king, Zazu is putting him down at every chance. This traumatic relationship will make sure the new king of the bed will have no qualms about going all the way! Thankfully the song is backed by a playful tune to ensure no participant is reminded of the emotional wreckage Mufasa’s death leads to in the new king.

2. A Whole New World

Some say this song only applies to losing ones virginity. There is an argument for this – a sense of sublime is entrenched in the progression of the melody and the explorative lyrics, a sublime lost after years of fucking. But have no fear! Even the veterans amongst you can spice up your sex life with this song, while engaging in culturally appropriative role-playing. Pro-tip: wear the outfits. Also, you may be tempted to orgasm at the infamous ‘sqwak’, but then you miss out on whispering the lines “don’t you dare close your eyes” and “hold your breath, it gets better”. A song full of options.1. Hakuna Matata

Hakuna Matata is the non-wanker “#yolo” from the 90s. No worries i.e. no regrets! Just have fun, have sex, and enjoy the ride with your best friend Pumba, the disgusting fat warthog. Forget about consequences, because who needs them. Is the person you’re with ugly as fuck? All good! This is the kind of song that can bring you out of the hole of despair caused by the belief you just killed your father, so it’ll definitely help you overcome the feelings of guilt caused by having sex with your professor in the backseat of your mother’s car.
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