Top 5 problems caused by women

5) Fall of Troy That bitch Helen caused a war. Wars are bad. The war led to the fall of Troy. Oh, and a couple of Hollywood productions with some pretty bad acting.

4) All problems in Australia Julia Gillard. Need I say more? She’s bad. Tony Abbott told us from the start, but we refused to listen. Now we’re sorry.

3) Decline of the Russian homeland Russia has 99 problems, but misogyny ain’t one. Patriarch Kirill, head of the Russian Orthodox Church, has identified feminism as a major threat to the stability of the homeland, as it takes women away from their traditional roles as wife and mother. For a comprehensive example of what an unmarried and child-less woman can do to bring about the ruin of a country, please refer to example No. 4.

2) Earthquakes in Iran Most countries attribute earthquakes to the shifting of tectonic plates. Not so in Iran. A senior Iranian cleric, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, has stated that earthquakes in Iran are a punishment for the immodest dress of Iranian women.

1) The sub-prime meltdown AKA the Global Financial Crisis Most economists would tell you that the Sub-Prime Mortgage disaster was brought about by greedy lenders. However, we’d rather you knew the truth. Women caused the GFC. According to, “In 2006, 38.8% of subprime mortgage borrowers were women and in 2006, women were 29.1% more likely to be stupid and irresponsible.” We’re not really sure where the statistics have been sourced from, but they’re clearly unfalsifiable and well worth a citation in your next essay.

Honi Soit
Honi Soit is the largest and oldest weekly student newspaper in Australia. Our articles, like this one, are made possible by our dedicated student reporters and contributors.
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