BDS motion at SRC

gag

A visual gag

In what will hopefully be an exciting, if challenging event, the next SRC meeting will commence promptly at 7pm.

A number of different opinions are set to be expressed on the use of the Boycott, Divestments, and Sanctions Motion (BDSM) to address the Israel and Palestine conflict. A motion is being put forward to oppose the use that reads: “I have no problem with BDSM in theory, but the issue is when people go too far and cross the boundaries. Therefore, I strongly oppose the use of BDSM in this instance.”

Following the intense discussions at the last meeting, this discussion is set to be quite heated, and many members have their hands tied. “I can’t change my position,” said SLS councillor Sandy Dwyer, “my caucus is binding, and despite being fairly versatile on the issue, I’m locked into one side.” Independent councillor Jessica Li is strongly in favour of the motion, and is expected to come out guns blazing: “Well firstly, Sydney University has no place involving itself in Israel and Palestine. But regardless, it’s about freedom of speech, and BDSM silences the right of one party to use anything other than safe words. I will fight strongly to have the motion from the previous meeting rescinded. Freedom of speech shall not be gagged and bound and locked away.”

Some members are suggesting that current events have simply gone too far to be resolved by Israel and Palestine alone. “Bringing a third party into it is the only way the solution will satisfy both,” said Unity councillor Magnus Frickington. However, Unity has so far been unable to agree on whether the third person should be a stranger or someone they already know. While Frickington has passionately argued that “Jordan has always been very open about this kind of thing,” Samantha Van Hoff was convinced that the US would be a novel addition.

Some believe the meeting, as is often the case, is expected to go nowhere. Cynical councillor Henrietta Ignorini predicts it will be “one big fucking Gaza Strip tease”. She expects that after hours of meaningless discussion (with very little foreplay), the meeting will far exceed its allocated time and gag orders will be issued, leaving many councillors unsatisfied and thoroughly underwhelmed. The Soin sincerely hopes this is not the case.

 

The Soin

The Soin

THE SOIN has been trading in smut, smears and substandard reporting since 2013. Read everything we publish aloud in a British accent.

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