Media junket eagerly awaits naming of royal afterbirth

The media circus surrounding the naming of the royal baby is set to continue even though William and Kate have already named the actual baby George, the naming of the afterbirth is still shrouded in mystery.

Not pictured: placenta

Not pictured: placenta. Thank us later.

“There’s been a lot of talk that the placenta might be named Phillip, after Prince Phillip, for the similarities that both are hard to look at for a long period of time and a complete waste of space makes it a forerunner. Sources close to people that may know someone in touch with a relative of people who sometimes might serve for the royal couple have confirmed such rumours,” a  Soin entertainment reporter commented, standing outside the royal hospital.

“Other possibilities for the namesake may simply be William the 2nd, Elizabeth, after the Queen herself, or #RN438-B Ward A after the hospital classification system for afterbirths.”It has been reported that the afterbirth has been frozen and stored in a container within the hospital.

“The media have been pretty vicious with the whole story about the afterbirth. One member of the paparazzi has just been arrested for trying to impersonate a nurse just to get a snap of the glowing Princess cradling the frozen box of hormones natal nutrients, eliminated fetal uric acid and fecal waste.”

Within the Australian media, SportsBet has been running a fierce campaign with the odds for each name featuring in tabloids and women’s magazines across the nation.

“If there is one thing that Australians love aside from vapid gossip about well-known people from Britain or America who contribute nothing to society, it’s losing their own personal fortune from their own hard-earned labour on such things,” SportsBet CEO Patrick Kennedy commented in a press release.

The Soin

The Soin

THE SOIN has been trading in smut, smears and substandard reporting since 2013. Read everything we publish aloud in a British accent.

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