2013 Election Preferences Controversy

In a monumental fuck-up reminiscent of that time Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus decided they were feeling a little bit frisky and it felt right to just forget the condom, the Liberal National Party have accidentally signed a preference deal with Big Brother contestant Caleb Geppert.

The deal, which was signed yesterday afternoon by Opposition Leader Tony Abbott, ensures that all first preferences from all votes for LNP candidates will go directly to 33 year old Geppert’s campaign to win Channel Ten’s top rating reality TV show.

Sources have confirmed that the glaring administrative error occurred as a result of Mr Abbott just not having a frigging clue about how politics works.

Speaking to The Soin this morning, he attempted to explain the oversight.

“I was busy watching Big Brother with my women and working through some papers at the same time and then breathing as well, so it was all v. complex,” he said.

“He’s not even my favourite! People say he might be gay – I couldn’t have picked a worse contestant. I like those twin blondes with the chests, wish I knew their names so I could have preferenced them instead.”

Receptacle of the party brain cells, Malcolm Turnbull, was quick to smooth over his colleague’s mistake.

“We’re really excited to bring Mr Geppert on board, even if it has come as a bit of a surprise,” he said.

“The work he has done over the past few weeks in the House has been really impressive – we look forward to developing a closer working relationship in the lead up to the federal election.”

 

 

 

 

The Soin

The Soin

THE SOIN has been trading in smut, smears and substandard reporting since 2013. Read everything we publish aloud in a British accent.

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