Abbott’s understanding of Syrias crisis ‘bad’

Prime Minister Tony Abbott has faced backlash over comments he made during his election campaign, simplifying the ongoing crisis in Syria as “not goodies versus baddies – it’s baddies versus baddies”.

Pressed for an explanation, Mr Abbott emerged from his Prime Ministerial Pillow Fort in Canberra to explain that he only sought to describe the crisis in broad simple terms. “What’s happening in Syria is too much for any one man to understand, let alone the sole woman in my ministerial team, Julie Bishop, whose job it is to deal with these sort of things. If I don’t speak in short, simple terms, how else will the Australian people understand complex issues?”

Mr Abbott further defended his comments, stating, “I’ve always thought of the Middle East as a cast of characters,” continuing, “Syria are baddies, and they’re fighting some more baddies who run into other countries and make a mess. Israel is a goodie, and so is Saudi Arabia as long as they keep providing the West with oil. Lebanon’s the cool one, Jordan’s the cute one, and Iran is the dangerous rebel.”

The Soin has also learnt that Mr Abbott referred to longstanding geopolitical tensions in India-Pakistan as “cowboys and Indians” but couldn’t decide which title best described India. At this point, the Prime Minister had to take a top- secret call from his chief military adviser using those paper cups with string attached between them. Soin reporters were, however, unable to trace the line.

The Soin

The Soin

THE SOIN has been trading in smut, smears and substandard reporting since 2013. Read everything we publish aloud in a British accent.

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