More fucking election news + Harry Potter

Harry Potter fans have been spotted camping outside parliament house for eight days in light of J.K’s surprising new book, which features a uniquely Australian twist. The book “Tony Abbott and the Suppository of Wisdom” has recently scratched the heads of thousands of Harry Potter fans globally with both excitement and discombobulating terror wondering if this will be the straw that finally breaks Rowling’s wealthy back.

In an exclusive interview with Today Tonight, Rowling stated, ‘as long as it has my name on it, people will go and buy it. That’s the sort of thing I’ve come to understand after the success of Harry. It’s funny how quickly one can churn out books for money; one moment I’m plotting renovations to my mansion, the next I’m churning out a book to fund it. Such is life.’

Rowling stated that the title of the book wasn’t easy to find, ‘I really wanted to get political. People often think I’m uneducated as fuck cause all I really do is talk shit about wizards and stuff’. Other debated titles included, ‘Kevin Rudd and the Cabinet of Secrets’, ’Tony Abbott and the Prisoners of Pakistan’ and ‘Gillard and the Tresses of Fire’.

Tony Abbott also got his fair say on the books release, ‘I’m quite pleased that News Corp has managed to fix my suppository cock-up with a 300 page novel. I’m okay with being a character in the book, but I don’t want to be using magic or anything. As a socially conservative catholic, witchcraft is a sin. I wont endorse it, unless it becomes an election issue, in which case it has my full support. My sister is a wizard.”

The book is set to hit the bookshelves in the next few days. The sequel, ‘Abbott and the Arseload of Aspirations” will follow shortly.

Alexandra Mildenhall
Alexandra is a 1st year MECO student and one of Honi Soit's few graphic designers. When she isn't designing graphics, she's taking photos, singing, modelling, and juggling. She juggles poorly.
Alexandra Mildenhall

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