Obama inspires millions with indecisiveness

President Obama inspired millions this week on the eve of the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King’s march on Washington, delivering a historic and momentous speech to the thousands who had gathered at the Lincoln Memorial.

Amidst increasingly bloody turmoil abroad, and a continuing slow economic recovery domestically, the President took the opportunity to thank the people who had elected him for voting to enact change, but cautioned that sometimes, when you have a really tough call to make, even if inaction may lead to further suffering, it’s best to just not do anything and hope no one blames you—a policy lauded by Republicans convening at a rally in a New Orleans stadium as the most sensible attitude towards the role of government they’ve ever heard a Democrat express.

“I can see now, as all Americans; men and women of all colours and backgrounds, gathered here today around this historic reflecting pool, that we must dip our toes into the water before we jump in. The Middle-East is a real geopolitical cluster-fuck right now, and the economy is only barely recovering, so let’s all take a leaf out of the NSA’s PRISM handbook and just wait and watch.”

“We do these things not because it’s easy, but because they are hard. The only man who makes no mistakes is the man who does nothing.” Evoking the words of past Presidents John F. Kennedy and Theodore Roosevelt respectively without a hint of irony.

Asked to comment on how Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. would have reacted to the speech, Cornel West, the prominent African-American academic and political activist just buried his face into his hands and wept uncontrollably. “I fear brother Barack has taken Dr. King’s passivism too literally. He fails to see that the only way to get change is to challenge the status quo.” Asked how he would change the Middle East, brother West just shrugged and said, “I don’t know. That place is fucked no matter what we do.”

Honi Soit
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