Agony Aunt: “Should I do law?”, “I’m doing a degree with my son.”

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I’ve had so much fun in my first year of uni; I’ve gotten to know so many wonderful, caring people over the year through my classes, the EU, sports clubs, you name it! I feel truly blessed to be at Sydney Uni. But a small, silly part of me wonders whether I should be doing something that will help me get a job after I graduate. Should I transfer into law? Thanks in advance! :) 

- Tiffany

Kid, I’m going to give it to you straight: no. First year or not, no one describes USYD as though it were Narnia. You seem like one of those inadvertent PR geniuses naturally suited to positive spin; the kind of person who’d hear, “Well, paedophiles are bloody awful, aren’t they?” and say, “Yeah, but let’s not forget that they always drive well under the 40 km/h speed limit in school zones.” Try marketing, not law.

Law is for the bitter and broken. It’s not something they ever list on the course progression guide, but each year of law involves a fresh surrender of parts of your soul. By year two, you’ll master dismissiveness and mild sociopathy. You’ll catch yourself telling your sweet Christian boyfriend, “Complaining about a hard Sudoko puzzle again? That’s like data entry for dyslexics. I’ve just finished a hundred and forty pages of reading.” By year four, you’ll have lost your faith. “Born-Again Christianity: the most aggravating form of identity theft without any penalty units under the Crimes Act?” you’ll sneer, as the EU refuses to learn that rhetorical questions are a predictable and easily-mocked way of naming its semesterly events. By graduation, making it to the next hit of low-grade cocaine will represent your aspirational limits.

You’re better off jobless and broke with your current degree. Good luck.

 

I’m a 56-year-old would-be mature age student. My 18-year-old son is just about to start up at uni. The problem is we’re both dead keen on doing Engineering at USYD. My son is really embarrassed by the idea of studying the same course with me. What should I do?

- Barry

I feel for you. But, as you knew when this came up, you’ll either have to transfer to another university or drown your son. This is one of the hardest choices a father has to make. Play your cards right, and only one of those choices ends with you having a USYD testamur and being immortalised by Tracy Grimshaw. Choose wisely.

The Soin

The Soin

THE SOIN has been trading in smut, smears and substandard reporting since 2013. Read everything we publish aloud in a British accent.

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