Rockin’ Dubstep Fusion Platinum Deluxe Greatest Hits or 500 Licks by The Rolling Stones (Universal Music)

Michelle Pedro knows the old saying “rolling stones gather no moths”

preserved mick jaggarIn a flurry of predictable mediocrity and profoundly underwhelming public reception, The Rolling Stones have released their 500th studio album for free download on AppGoogleTubeBook Incorporated, the only remaining website in the universe. The album was entirely recorded using an iPhone 27 microphone placed in a bathtub next to the bandís recording studio.

The bandís frontman, Mick Jagger, who now exists as a floating head in a luminescent jar of formaldehyde, told Honi that the band wanted to continue their proud tradition of breaking musical boundaries, always keeping it ìfreshî, and experimenting with cutting-edge technology and instruments. Weíve got to give it to them: in this respect, the album certainly delivers.

Eight tracks comprised solely of different types of corn chips being chewed up, stomped on, and thrown against a low ceiling by the bandís 84 remaining members tell the epic story of a disenfranchised protagonist facing the world – one Dorito at a time. Thematic albums have always been a strength of the Stones.

 

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