Multiculturalism a success now that everyone is racist

Reports Honi Soit's resident big mouth, Hoe Jildebrand


The latest United Colors of Benetton ad campaign.

Honi Soit is proud to report that multiculturalism has been declared an undeniable national success in the wake of consecutive waves of immigrants self-identifying as “racist”.

The United Nations issued a statement today congratulating the Australian government for its efforts in effectively eradicating systemic racial prejudice. In fact, the recent federal election saw poster boy of the far right, Australia First Party candidate Sanjay Chopra, voted in as this country’s first non-white Prime Minister.

Chopra made waves as a result of his much-hyped “Moats, Not Boats” campaign, which proposed not only prohibiting the resettlement of all refugees in Australia, but also vowed to build a moat around the coast of Australia because being apparently girt by sea is not enough to deter people seeking asylum.

During his victory speech on election night, Chopra was quoted as saying: “I’m honoured to become the first Indian leader of this lucky country. However, what I’m most pleased about is that I got to where I am today without special treatment in the name of political correctness, unlike what, uh, some other races have gained by whingeing.” He then proceeded to blow a dog whistle to wild applause.

Honi looks forward to the implementation of one of Chopra’s key election promises: reinstating tireless persecution of the Irish diaspora. It is widely speculated that the landslide win was due to the joint endorsement of the Australian Human Rights Commission and the Australian Civil Liberties Union.

Honi Soit
Honi Soit is the largest and oldest weekly student newspaper in Australia. Our articles, like this one, are made possible by our dedicated student reporters and contributors.
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