Home » Archives by category » Humour (Page 2)

Top 5 moments when it’s OK for tone-deaf people to sing

Top 5 moments when it’s OK for tone-deaf people to sing

Things aren’t always harmonious, writes Lane Sainty

Press release: USSC merges with Hell

Press release: USSC merges with Hell

The USSC finalises plans for merger with Hell.

Right to bare arms

Right to bare arms

Historians have uncovered a typographical error in the United States Constitution that entitles all Americans citizens to a free wax.

Pope Frankie says relax

Pope Frankie says relax

Pope Frankie brings a breath of fresh air to the musty more-than-a-millenia papacy.

Potter fantasy becomes dark arts nightmare

Potter fantasy becomes dark arts nightmare

The magical world of Harry Potter becomes a nightmare due to the SU Quidditch Society breaking inviolable rules.

Press Release: Menzies House Merges With Stormfront.org – Tim Andrews

Press Release: Menzies House Merges With Stormfront.org – Tim Andrews

Dear Soin readers, We are pleased to announce our merger with long-term partner Stormfront.org. Despite working together in the past on issues including white separatism, anti-rationalism, and Islamophobia, this is the first time the two organisations have worked together on financial matters such as server space and our fund for a white autonomous community. The […]

ALP wins papal election

ALP wins papal election

ALP wins papal election following spill.

Conroy / Murdoch joins them

Conroy / Murdoch joins them

Stephen Conroy unmasked as Rupert Murdoch by vigilante adolescent group.

Pulitzer recognises the poor quality of Australian media, mX

Pulitzer recognises the poor quality of Australian media, mX

mX frontrunner for mediocre Australian news awards.

Sex advice from… Jesus Christ

Sex advice from… Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ gets nailed.

SOINRISE: Aussie bloke father a hero for destroying misbehaving young ladies, says Kochie

SOINRISE: Aussie bloke father a hero for destroying misbehaving young ladies, says Kochie

Transcript from the latest episode of Soinrise: how to fight the growing trend of misbehaving sluts.

Opinion: Christmas over at the island

Opinion: Christmas over at the island

We have always been an open and welcoming people, but like many countries around the world, we are now paying the price for our openhearted hospitality as mostly Muslim immigrants flood our shores and transform Australian communities into Arabian sultanates. This has led to an alarming new trend known as “white flight” and figures just […]

Comedians see no light at end of nuclear tunnel

Comedians see no light at end of nuclear tunnel

Sydney University comedians have failed to make light of the impending nuclear apocalypse. Although North Korea has historically been the punchline of many jokes, SU comedians have decided that the potential millions of deaths is too grave for humour. “How can one make a joke about the possible annihilation of Japan and South Korea?” comedian […]

USU party rebrand; still colossal failure

USU party rebrand; still colossal failure

A University of Sydney Union (USU) spokesman has defended claims that the re-branding of annual Manning party Beachball as a ‘thrift shop party’ is more than just a belated attempt to capture campus zeitgeist. Sporting a decidedly unprofessional leopard mink and garish green alligator shoes, USU CEO Andrew Wayward downplayed suggestions that the name change […]

2013 Federal election special: Tony Abbott etc.

2013 Federal election special: Tony Abbott etc.

Tony Abbott has cut short his tour of Sydney’s western suburbs to campaign for an immediate election in Victoria following the resignation of Liberal Premier Ted Bailieu. “It’s a matter of principle,” Abbott told The Soin, “this is now an illegitimate government.” “In politics, you have to be true to your convictions. You can’t apply […]

Militant winter sports group removed from SUSF

Militant winter sports group removed from SUSF

Sydney University Sports & Fitness club SubSki has been disaffiliated after university management discovered covert radical left-wing plots by the executive of the group. SubSki was formerly known for its skiing, drinking, and nudity. A spokesperson for SUSF noted that the group’s manifesto, which begins with “a call for the revolutionary redistribution of the means […]

Abbott victim of dog whistle politics

Abbott victim of dog whistle politics

Today, opposition Leader Tony Abbott has become the latest victim of dog whistle politics after he was brutally mauled in a dog attack. A spokesman for Abbott claims that a mob of dogs set upon the politician as he left a press conference yesterday. “They were mostly minature poodles, shitzus and pugs, but they were […]

Greens split from Labor, still fuckbuddies

Greens Leader Christine Milne announced this week the Greens party would be splitting from their long-standing alliance with the Australian Labor Party, but would essentially still remain fuck buddies. The Greens, who have opposed Labor’s handling of several major issues including the recent mining tax mishandling, say they will still support Labor against votes of […]

Poll: “polls”, polls

Today’s Soin poll on the latest preferred Prime Minister Newspoll poll shows that the public’s support for polls is dropping, in the wake of a spate of insipid, unconstructive and entirely irrelevant polls. Results of today’s poll show that voter satisfaction with constantly being polled and then incessantly informed of the results of polls is […]

Da Fuq? Raiders of the Lost Mail

  Dr. Henry Walton Jones Jr, a.k.a. Indiana Jones of the film franchise of the same name, is still receiving mail addressed to his alma mater. Last December, The University of Chicago posted on Tumblr that they had received a mysterious, brown paper package addressed to none other than the archeologist/action hero himself. Inside the […]

Honi’s predictions for 2013

Honi’s predictions for 2013

The Occupy movement will continue to die down around the world, except perhaps, in the West Bank. Happy ending: Craig Thomson will put the HSU saga to bed by accepting golden handjob. The entire Essendon team will come forward and blame Shane Warne’s mum for doping. USYD smoking areas will now also contain pokies and […]

Honi Nobel Prizes 2012

Honi Nobel Prizes 2012

Top 5 national anthems

Top 5 national anthems

You don’t normally hear national anthems outside of school assemblies, sporting events, and race riots. With an anthem like ours, it’s probably a good thing. That being said, there are some super badass national anthems out there that are worth a listen. 5. La Marseillaise – France The French aren’t particularly known for their military […]

Dear Diary: Mitt Romney

Dear Diary: Mitt Romney

Oh fudge – things didn’t go as well overseas as I thought they would. I was just trying to be honest with England about their Olympics and Cameron had to get all flustered and claim that Salt Lake City is “in the middle of nowhere”. First of all, David, Salt Lake is slightly north of […]

Top 5 classic cheap student meals

Top 5 classic cheap student meals

5. Pasta   A much-loved classic, large-scale pasta cooking should by no means be limited to Norton Street abodes. Large amounts of spaghetti or fettuccine can be prepared with any sauce you desire, with remaining leftovers making for quick meals. (Really, though – pasta tastes just as good, if not better, when re-heated). The recently […]

Sydney Uni App

Sydney Uni App

Honi Soit wasn’t satisfied with the University’s new app. So we made our own.

Top 5 People to Avoid in Hostels

Top 5 People to Avoid in Hostels

Now that we’re back at university proper let’s reflect on the people we met on our holiday adventures, and the ones we wished we hadn’t

From the memoirs of Kristen Stewart

From the memoirs of Kristen Stewart

Dear Diary, I guess it’s a good thing. All those little tweens screaming my name was so creepy. So I’m pretty glad they all hate me now. I just don’t really understand why. Rob was the perfect beard, we were such a happy ‘couple’, so why did my publicists have to create this shit and […]

Campus Security: Week 2

Campus Security: Week 2

It was about eleven o’clock in the morning, early August, with the sun shining, and I had a look of hard determination on my face as I patrolled the Quad. The lawns had just been mowed and I was waiting for the groundskeepers to put that rope fence-y thing back up. I scanned the sandstone […]

Another Day, Another Drink with Dr Rupert Thorogood: Week 2

Another Day, Another Drink with Dr Rupert Thorogood: Week 2

“But hark! What noise down yonder corridor does emanate? The sprightly footsteps of my love?”

Soundtrack to: Awkward Sex

Soundtrack to: Awkward Sex

Dragon: “Are You Old Enough?” You don’t want your little tryst to land you in jail, or worse, to end up fucking someone your mum’s age. Meiko: “Leave the Lights On” The key to awkward sex is to be able to see everything. Their weird O face, your weird O face, the little bit of […]

Dear Diary: Batman

Dear Diary: Batman

Mood: The Dark Knight is Rising. I took the night off fighting crime. Had the Lamborghini detailed. I made sure Alfred got us great seats for the midnight premiere. Anne Hathaway was my date. We had her catsuit for our own private afterparty (and you thought her arse was good onscreen). And for what? I […]

Top 5 kitchen utensils

Top 5 kitchen utensils

Modern society may have brought us many useless things (Cheez Ballz, Being Lara Bingle, Rebecca Black), but the wacky and wondrous kitchen gadgets infiltrating our cooking adventures are not some of them. Here are some of the best!

Campus Security: Week 1

Campus Security: Week 1

“I’ve already shaken things up a bit at the Security Office with my request for tear gas and tasers – let’s see you fuck with us now you ibises!”

TV Guide: with guest editor Gina Rinehart

10.00am The Bolt Report
Fair and balanced analysis from Australia’s leading buster of career-Aborigines.

An Open Letter to Gina Rinehart

“You have lifted this nation to become the world’s foremost quarry, and now we hope you will make just one more sacrifice, by buying our humble newspaper and delivering us from the crippling impoverishment of SRC ownership.”

Another Day, Another Drink with Dr Rupert Thorogood: Week 1

Another Day, Another Drink with Dr Rupert Thorogood: Week 1

“I returned to my hovel and there I sat, like a scotch-soaked sponge pouring drink after drink until, like so many nights before, I vomited in the bin…”

Dear Diary: Batman

Dear Diary: Batman

If the Dark Knight trilogy was meant to be about anger, then Diary, this entry is about disappointment.

Cartoon: Engineering Student

Cartoon: Engineering Student

Ye shall know the Engineering Student by its beard. The beard’s colour, size, and texture is associated with sexual maturity, climate, and testosterone production; generally, the darker and fuller the beard, the healthier the Engineering Student. It makes the Engineer appear wiser and more fearsome, aiding it in confrontations with its primary foe: bar management. […]

Cartoon: Law Student

Cartoon: Law Student

The most distinctive aspect of the Law Student’s appearance is the Country Road tote bag that can commonly be found slung over its shoulder. Cutting this bag open will reveal a small tower of textbooks full of nonsense words like “mens rea”, “pari delicto”, and “defamation”. In fact, it was only when Country Road expanded […]

Cartoon: Science Student

Cartoon: Science Student

Lanky and awkward, Science Students can be identified by their emaciated frames and long, greasy hair. Their days and nights are spent doing three things gaming reading/watching/debating science fiction playing God Not much is known about them but they are feared for their great knowledge and strange screams can often be heard emanating from the […]

Cartoon: Arts Student

Cartoon: Arts Student

The members of this species are all unique, individual, and completely indistinguishable from each other. They devote the majority of their time to subverting the dominant paradigm, a dangerous task that requires a high level of protective clothing; namely: skinny jeans, ironic t-shirts, Chuck Converse sneakers, and Buddy Holly glasses. They can often be spotted […]

You know what I mean, ladies?

You know what I mean, ladies?

Election analysis with social and political commentator Kathy Lette (n.b – not actually written by Kathy Lette).

Cartoon: The Hack

Cartoon: The Hack

Honi Soit cartoons. The Hack by Bryant Apolonio.

I want to be a Superhero

I want to be a Superhero

They’re the self-appointed guardians of our streets, patrolling the suburbs and fighting crime. Rob Morrison embarks on a journey to become his own real life Superhero and discovers there’s something far greater being represented here than just adults playing dress-up.

The Garter: Lonely scientist proves love doesn’t exist

The Garter: Lonely scientist proves love doesn’t exist

In what is being called a ‘radical breakthrough’, neuroscientist Michael Anderson claims to have proven there is no such thing as love. “You think there is, for so long, but now I’ve realised it’s all a lie. There’s no such thing as love. It’s all just chemicals in your head and your balls, tricking you […]

The Garter: Witchcraft Levels Rising

The Garter: Witchcraft Levels Rising

The Holy Bureau of Statistics released their annual crime report today, showing that witchcraft has overtaken left-handedness as the most prevalent crime in Spain. The information holds disturbing repercussions for the future of Spain, the Spanish Criminal Justice system and the positive connotations of the word ‘inquisition’. According to High Inquisitor Torquemada, anyone found guilty […]

The Garter: Infamous ‘Cancer Killer’ strikes again

The Garter: Infamous ‘Cancer Killer’ strikes again

Another innocent life was claimed last night when Petunia Meyers, 83, was killed in hospital. Police attribute the death to the now-infamous Cancer Killer, who left his signature calling card – cancer – in her body. “She was such a kind soul. We never thought this would happen to her,” said her oncologist Dr. Norton. […]

Page 2 of 212