Home Health Care Provider
Comedy //

Every Day Coldest in Living Memory for Grandma

This winter’s chills have been a shock to many, including Grandma. The lady on the telly in the morning asked whether this could be the coldest in living memory. Grandma certainly can’t remember a colder day than today, due to her increasing confusion and the blurring of memories from the past. For her, each day…

Fanning Publicity Shark
Comedy //

Fanning Attacked by Publicity Shark While Riding Publicity Wave

Shocking footage has emerged of the moment Australian surfer Mick Fanning was attacked by a publicity shark as he arrived in Australia in earlier today. Fanning, whose encounter with a shark made headlines this week, was seen struggling against the instantly-recognizable silhouette of one of the greatest threats in the surfing world. Publicity sharks are…

COOLOONGUP
Comedy //

Reclaim Australia Settles for Timeshare Property Outside Cooloongup

Citing the increased difficulty of finding appropriate musical tracking to their Facebook videos, lead organisers behind Reclaim Australia have withdrawn their intention to reclaim the entirety of Australia and have settled for a monthly share of an apartment outside Coolongup, WA. “While our original intention was to reunite Australia both ideologically and genetically, we’ve since…

Pictured: Miss Duval in Ashley Madison promotional material
Comedy //

Ashley Madison Hack Reveals Everyone Cheating with the Same Person

Ashley Madison, an online dating network designed to connect people looking to cheat on their partners, has been compromised by hackers. Since launching in 2001, the site has grown to serve 31 million distinct users, which leaked data has shown were all in extramarital or secondary relationships with one woman. Pennsylvania resident Margaret Duval joined…

carpenter working
Comedy //

Boutique Store Only Uses Pre-industrial Manufacturing Techniques, Labour Laws

A new artisan workshop in Marrickville focuses on creating household items without the modern impurities of plastic molding, mechanized equipment, or workers’ dignity. Aaron Wendt, from ‘The Manufactory’, grew up fascinated with the furniture and gadgets in his grandparents’ house. “To think they were made without electricity, or computer design, or safety regulations. Just a…

woman at restaurant
Comedy //

REPORT: Date Gone Too Long To Be Weeing

Scientists have today confirmed that area diner, Arnold Pickering, has been gone from the table for too long just to be doing a wee. The findings indicate that the couple, dining at Armando’s Authentic Italian, had just finished their entrée when Mr Pickering asked his partner to “excuse [him] for just a moment.” Scientists at…

Groundbreaking
Comedy //

Mining Multinational to Drill for Human Resources

Mining Heavyweights Omnibore have made waves in the minerals sector this week with their promise to bolster third quarter profits by exploring for and then drilling their own human resources. CEO Bart Glottis has described the strategy as “a more efficient way of approaching questions of labour and its management in accordance with the economies…