Comedy //

REPORT: Elderly Just Old Regular People

A ground-breaking report at Stamford University has today demonstrated that the elderly are actually just older regular people. Rick Parsons, coordinator of the decades long investigation said that the results of the study were “truly incredible”. “Whereas for a long time it seemed as though the elderly were some sort of separate species, unfit for…

Comedy //

Jock Head Transplanted On Nerd Body

A surgery set to break all kinds of records in the world of brain science has gone well this week, when a jock head was transplanted to the donor body of a nerd. Corey Stephenson, a first grade NRL player for the Canterbury Bulldogs, was tragically crippled after a horse riding accident in July last…

Comedy //

Mother of Nine Secures Front-Row Pew at Easter Service

A Darlington mother of six has secured the front row pew for St Pater’s 2016 Easter celebrations after announcing her intentions to remain permanently on the pew at mass last week. Bernadette Muscat and her husband Joseph took their seven children to the 10am mass on Easter Sunday, however, when the congregation left the church…

Comedy //

Easter Eggs Hatch

There has been customary elation across the Christian world this week as all Easter Eggs began their great hatching on Sunday. Children and adults alike everywhere have woken up to smashed chocolate shells and trails of post-natal blood and offal all over the home as the horrible egg creatures within Easter eggs everywhere burst forth…

Uncategorized //

Disney announces first openly transphobic character

Members of the transphobic community everywhere are celebrating today’s announcement that Disney will be writing a transphobic character into their next summer family blockbuster. The central princess, Esmerelda, will be the protagonist in a film of the same name, to be released in summer of 2016. “For so long, it’s been a matter of close…