the abbottbw
Comedy //

2013 Federal election special: Tony Abbott etc.

Tony Abbott has cut short his tour of Sydney’s western suburbs to campaign for an immediate election in Victoria following the resignation of Liberal Premier Ted Bailieu. “It’s a matter of principle,” Abbott told The Soin, “this is now an illegitimate government.” “In politics, you have to be true to your convictions. You can’t apply…

subski soinaa
Comedy //

Militant winter sports group removed from SUSF

Sydney University Sports & Fitness club SubSki has been disaffiliated after university management discovered covert radical left-wing plots by the executive of the group. SubSki was formerly known for its skiing, drinking, and nudity. A spokesperson for SUSF noted that the group’s manifesto, which begins with “a call for the revolutionary redistribution of the means…

tony abbott
Comedy //

Abbott victim of dog whistle politics

Today, opposition Leader Tony Abbott has become the latest victim of dog whistle politics after he was brutally mauled in a dog attack. A spokesman for Abbott claims that a mob of dogs set upon the politician as he left a press conference yesterday. “They were mostly minature poodles, shitzus and pugs, but they were…

Comedy //

Greens split from Labor, still fuckbuddies

Greens Leader Christine Milne announced this week the Greens party would be splitting from their long-standing alliance with the Australian Labor Party, but would essentially still remain fuck buddies. The Greens, who have opposed Labor’s handling of several major issues including the recent mining tax mishandling, say they will still support Labor against votes of…

Comedy //

Poll: “polls”, polls

Today’s Soin poll on the latest preferred Prime Minister Newspoll poll shows that the public’s support for polls is dropping, in the wake of a spate of insipid, unconstructive and entirely irrelevant polls. Results of today’s poll show that voter satisfaction with constantly being polled and then incessantly informed of the results of polls is…

Comedy //

Da Fuq? Raiders of the Lost Mail

  Dr. Henry Walton Jones Jr, a.k.a. Indiana Jones of the film franchise of the same name, is still receiving mail addressed to his alma mater. Last December, The University of Chicago posted on Tumblr that they had received a mysterious, brown paper package addressed to none other than the archeologist/action hero himself. Inside the…

Astrology square
Comedy //

Honi’s predictions for 2013

The Occupy movement will continue to die down around the world, except perhaps, in the West Bank. Happy ending: Craig Thomson will put the HSU saga to bed by accepting golden handjob. The entire Essendon team will come forward and blame Shane Warne’s mum for doping. USYD smoking areas will now also contain pokies and…

usa-flag
Comedy, Culture //

Top 5 national anthems

You don’t normally hear national anthems outside of school assemblies, sporting events, and race riots. With an anthem like ours, it’s probably a good thing. That being said, there are some super badass national anthems out there that are worth a listen. 5. La Marseillaise – France The French aren’t particularly known for their military…

MittRomney
Comedy //

Dear Diary: Mitt Romney

Oh fudge – things didn’t go as well overseas as I thought they would. I was just trying to be honest with England about their Olympics and Cameron had to get all flustered and claim that Salt Lake City is “in the middle of nowhere”. First of all, David, Salt Lake is slightly north of…