SRC ELECTIONS
Illustration by Bryant Apolonio
Comedy, Culture //

Cartoon: Law Student

The most distinctive aspect of the Law Student’s appearance is the Country Road tote bag that can commonly be found slung over its shoulder. Cutting this bag open will reveal a small tower of textbooks full of nonsense words like “mens rea”, “pari delicto”, and “defamation”. In fact, it was only when Country Road expanded…

Illustrations by Bryant Apolonio
Comedy, Culture //

Cartoon: Science Student

Lanky and awkward, Science Students can be identified by their emaciated frames and long, greasy hair. Their days and nights are spent doing three things gaming reading/watching/debating science fiction playing God Not much is known about them but they are feared for their great knowledge and strange screams can often be heard emanating from the…

Illustration by Bryant Apolonio
Comedy, Culture //

Cartoon: Arts Student

The members of this species are all unique, individual, and completely indistinguishable from each other. They devote the majority of their time to subverting the dominant paradigm, a dangerous task that requires a high level of protective clothing; namely: skinny jeans, ironic t-shirts, Chuck Converse sneakers, and Buddy Holly glasses. They can often be spotted…

Master Ledgend
Comedy, Features //

I want to be a Superhero

They’re the self-appointed guardians of our streets, patrolling the suburbs and fighting crime. Rob Morrison embarks on a journey to become his own real life Superhero and discovers there’s something far greater being represented here than just adults playing dress-up.

Lonely scientist Michael Anderson spoke to The Garter between bouts of sobbing
Comedy //

The Garter: Lonely scientist proves love doesn’t exist

In what is being called a ‘radical breakthrough’, neuroscientist Michael Anderson claims to have proven there is no such thing as love. “You think there is, for so long, but now I’ve realised it’s all a lie. There’s no such thing as love. It’s all just chemicals in your head and your balls, tricking you…

spain
Comedy //

The Garter: Witchcraft Levels Rising

The Holy Bureau of Statistics released their annual crime report today, showing that witchcraft has overtaken left-handedness as the most prevalent crime in Spain. The information holds disturbing repercussions for the future of Spain, the Spanish Criminal Justice system and the positive connotations of the word ‘inquisition’. According to High Inquisitor Torquemada, anyone found guilty…

The Cancer Killer's motives remain unclear.
Comedy //

The Garter: Infamous ‘Cancer Killer’ strikes again

Another innocent life was claimed last night when Petunia Meyers, 83, was killed in hospital. Police attribute the death to the now-infamous Cancer Killer, who left his signature calling card – cancer – in her body. “She was such a kind soul. We never thought this would happen to her,” said her oncologist Dr. Norton.…