It was about eleven o’clock in the morning, early August, with the sun shining, and I had a look of hard determination on my face as I patrolled the Quad. The lawns had just been mowed and I was waiting for the groundskeepers to put that rope fence-y thing back up. I scanned the sandstone…
“But hark! What noise down yonder corridor does emanate? The sprightly footsteps of my love?”
Dragon: “Are You Old Enough?” You don’t want your little tryst to land you in jail, or worse, to end up fucking someone your mum’s age. Meiko: “Leave the Lights On” The key to awkward sex is to be able to see everything. Their weird O face, your weird O face, the little bit of…
Mood: The Dark Knight is Rising. I took the night off fighting crime. Had the Lamborghini detailed. I made sure Alfred got us great seats for the midnight premiere. Anne Hathaway was my date. We had her catsuit for our own private afterparty (and you thought her arse was good onscreen). And for what? I…
Modern society may have brought us many useless things (Cheez Ballz, Being Lara Bingle, Rebecca Black), but the wacky and wondrous kitchen gadgets infiltrating our cooking adventures are not some of them. Here are some of the best!
“I’ve already shaken things up a bit at the Security Office with my request for tear gas and tasers – let’s see you fuck with us now you ibises!”
10.00am The Bolt Report
Fair and balanced analysis from Australia’s leading buster of career-Aborigines.
“You have lifted this nation to become the world’s foremost quarry, and now we hope you will make just one more sacrifice, by buying our humble newspaper and delivering us from the crippling impoverishment of SRC ownership.”
“I returned to my hovel and there I sat, like a scotch-soaked sponge pouring drink after drink until, like so many nights before, I vomited in the bin…”
If the Dark Knight trilogy was meant to be about anger, then Diary, this entry is about disappointment.