Astrology square
Comedy //

Honi’s predictions for 2013

The Occupy movement will continue to die down around the world, except perhaps, in the West Bank. Happy ending: Craig Thomson will put the HSU saga to bed by accepting golden handjob. The entire Essendon team will come forward and blame Shane Warne’s mum for doping. USYD smoking areas will now also contain pokies and…

Comedy, Culture //

Top 5 national anthems

You don’t normally hear national anthems outside of school assemblies, sporting events, and race riots. With an anthem like ours, it’s probably a good thing. That being said, there are some super badass national anthems out there that are worth a listen. 5. La Marseillaise – France The French aren’t particularly known for their military…

Comedy //

Dear Diary: Mitt Romney

Oh fudge – things didn’t go as well overseas as I thought they would. I was just trying to be honest with England about their Olympics and Cameron had to get all flustered and claim that Salt Lake City is “in the middle of nowhere”. First of all, David, Salt Lake is slightly north of…

Comedy, Culture //

Top 5 classic cheap student meals

5. Pasta   A much-loved classic, large-scale pasta cooking should by no means be limited to Norton Street abodes. Large amounts of spaghetti or fettuccine can be prepared with any sauce you desire, with remaining leftovers making for quick meals. (Really, though – pasta tastes just as good, if not better, when re-heated). The recently…

Comedy //

From the memoirs of Kristen Stewart

Dear Diary, I guess it’s a good thing. All those little tweens screaming my name was so creepy. So I’m pretty glad they all hate me now. I just don’t really understand why. Rob was the perfect beard, we were such a happy ‘couple’, so why did my publicists have to create this shit and…

"Shut it grass monkey, I've got bigger fish to fry!"
Comedy //

Campus Security: Week 2

It was about eleven o’clock in the morning, early August, with the sun shining, and I had a look of hard determination on my face as I patrolled the Quad. The lawns had just been mowed and I was waiting for the groundskeepers to put that rope fence-y thing back up. I scanned the sandstone…