SRC ELECTIONS 2018
The bear in question takes a nap after mauling the boy
Comedy //

Boy and Bear concert cancelled after bear mauls boy

Fans of Australian indie group Boy and Bear were left devastated this week after the band’s management were forced to announce the cancellation of the group’s latest national tour. Sources have indicated the move was taken in response to an incident at this year’s Falls Festival where a young boy’s spleen was reported missing following…

julia shooting fingers
Comedy //

THE SOIN: Gillard Cures Cancer in Spare Time, Approval Rating Plummets

Federal Labor reached a new low in the polls this week with the unmarried, female, atheist, red-haired immigrant Prime Minister’s approval rating dropping almost 10 percentage points after it was announced she had successfully developed a cure for cancer. Pundits have suggested this slump is most likely a result of the highly successful scare campaign…

"Shut it grass monkey, I've got bigger fish to fry!"
Comedy //

Campus Security: Week 2

It was about eleven o’clock in the morning, early August, with the sun shining, and I had a look of hard determination on my face as I patrolled the Quad. The lawns had just been mowed and I was waiting for the groundskeepers to put that rope fence-y thing back up. I scanned the sandstone…

Comedy //

An Open Letter to Gina Rinehart

“You have lifted this nation to become the world’s foremost quarry, and now we hope you will make just one more sacrifice, by buying our humble newspaper and delivering us from the crippling impoverishment of SRC ownership.”