Comedy //

SOINRISE: Aussie bloke father a hero for destroying misbehaving young ladies, says Kochie

Transcript from the latest episode of Soinrise: how to fight the growing trend of misbehaving sluts.

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KOCH: Just days after our latest Aussie hero called a few drunk teenage girls “sluts” comes another … unexpected hero. 

MEL: Yep, the man from Maccas might have competition for Father of the Year, Kochie!

KOCH: A father of three from Sydney, Ross Childes, stood up for himself and his mates on a crowded train just yesterday when a group of rowdy high school girls started playing R&B songs on their smartphones.

MEL: Despicable! Shitheads!

KOCH: Well, our mate Ross wouldn’t have any of that – he stood up, knocked the first girl out with his fist, roundhouse kicked another across the face, and dragged the other one off the train when it stopped and threw her onto the tracks.

MEL: What happened to these girls after they were justice’d by the Pater?

KOCH: Well, as happens with sluts who deserve what they get, two are in hospital and one is dead.

MEL: Oh, thank god! I think people have just had enough of this kind of misbehaviour from these sluts, don’t you think?

KOCH: Definitely. What’s the reaction been on the soapbox?

MARK: Our viewers have responded overwhelmingly positive to Ross, Kochie! 86% of viewers said he did the right thing, 12% of viewers said he should’ve finished them all off, and only 2% were indifferent.

MEL: Just goes to show that true Aussie blokes aren’t just going to sit back and let ugly sluts  get away with destroying the joint, right? I mean, considering the danger posed to this father by the gang of hideously unattractive skanks, it’s good to know we still have some brave Aussie battlers and diggers in this country.

KOCH: Indeed. Up next, celebrating the proud history of drunken Aussie male larrikinism!

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