Comedy //

Opinion: Christmas over at the island

We have always been an open and welcoming people, but like many countries around the world, we are now paying the price for our openhearted hospitality as mostly Muslim immigrants flood our shores and transform Australian communities into Arabian sultanates. This has led to an alarming new trend known as “white flight” and figures just…

piers
We have always been an open and welcoming people, but like many countries around the world, we are now paying the price for our openhearted hospitality as mostly Muslim immigrants flood our shores and transform Australian communities into Arabian sultanates. This has led to an alarming new trend known as “white flight” and figures just released by the Australian Bureau of Statistics have identified Christmas Island as its latest victim.

Christmas Island was once a tiny close-knit community, but as more and more refugees take up residence in the processing centre on the island, many of the local, true blue residents are beginning to feel like strangers in their own homes and are looking to move away from districts they have lived in for generations. Beryl, a true blue Aussie who has lived in the area for over 30 years, feels like the island is losing its distinctly Australian character. “Not one of those refugees is Australian  and  with so many of them moving in, the whole area is beginning to feel a bit unAustralian. Particularly the bits around where they live. These days it feels more like Christmanistan Island.”

A country girl at heart, Beryl has kept up the lifelong habit of chatting to shopkeepers and neighbours, but she has found Christmas Island’s new residents unfriendly and aloof. “How am I supposed to have a decent conversation with them when they keep sewing their lips shut?” she asks. She also does not feel particularly inspired by their work ethic, “They just sit inside that detention centre being waited on hand and foot, not one of them has a job. Not that they should be allowed to take Australian jobs.”

Most worrying of all, she is beginning to worry for her safety, “my dog, Butch, has been missing for days and I reckon one of those Muslims got a hold of him and served him up for dinner. He was a lovely dog and now he’s in their bellies.” Beryl is not keen to leave the area her family has lived in for decades, but she is beginning to feel like she has no choice, “those searchlight things they keep shining out of that place messed up my Christmas display last year. I couldn’t put my family through another Christmas like that.”

Next week, Piers Akerman investigates whether Nauru is still a tourist hotspot for bird shit, or Sharia enclave.

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