McDonald’s HQ is said to be in damage control this week with reports that the first synthetically created hamburger has been produced by scientists. Those who tested the new stem cell harboured meat, or “shmeat”, described the product as “bland, rubbery and exactly like McDonald’s”.
The new wonder meat is described as having one key advantage over McDonald’s burgers, with no animals being harmed in the production process. However, McDonald’s have hit back with the counterclaim that their burgers have in fact not contained any animal meat since at least the mid 80’s, with patties these days consisting primarily of sawdust, food colouring and 3 kinds of petroleum jelly. According to their spokesman “The only part of our meal that contains any meat related byproduct these days are our reconstituted gherkins.”
The scientists responsible for the breakthrough are said to have actually produced successful samples early last year, but were plagued with the issue that the shape of their test tubes kept turning meat patties turning into sausages, a problem eventually overcome with the purchase of a petri-dish. The artificially produced meat also reportedly contains no fat, which is great news for those who enjoy their meat products to resemble cardboard.
Scientists predict the new synthetic meats should be on supermarket shelves by 2020, assuming they haven’t gone off by then.