The University of Sydney Arts Faculty set a new record yesterday, processing an Honours application 30 years after it was originally submitted – astonishing speediness for an organisation unjustifiably considered a bit shit.
“We’re actually quite pleased with the progress,” reported administrative manager Frances Magowski. “Being open only 3 days a week for 2 hours a day with a lunch break, and no new paperwork accepted 30 mins before closing means we have to work at break neck speed. Plus, some words like ‘anthropology’ are really very long.”
Tabitha Hollinghorn is reportedly thrilled with the decision. “I only really wanted to do Honours to delay having to decide what I wanted to do with my life,” she said. “So I suppose the faculty’s failure to complete basic administrative tasks has really helped me achieve my dreams.”
Hollinghorn looks forward to starting her thesis on microfinancing digital realities in post-conflict Zimbabwe. She laughed off claims from classmates that she’s a sure bet to get the medal: “I don’t know why everyone keeps saying that!” she said. “It’s an 80 -90% chance at most.”