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The Manning Files – Week 5, Semester 1, 2014

The Manning Files from Week 5, Semester 1.

manning files

PRAISE BE TO THE MARKET

In a solid win for the invisible hand, credit rating agency Moody’s has given the University an Aa1 rating.

This will make it easier for USyd to borrow money for the next few decades before you start paying off your HECS.

The Moody’s report talked about “healthy” financial performance thanks to USyd’s medical history of staff cuts and malignant exploitation of international students.

The White House welcomed the increase in the debt ceiling, but stated that you “cannot predict the future”.

THE USU’S NEXT TOP MODEL

Amid discussions of organizational transparency and the prospect of expelling its Vice-President, the USU has decided it is the opportune time to launch a #usumodelcallout on Instragram.

We’ll pick our faves to be part of our upcoming USU photoshoot,” the Union stated from their Facebook account. 

Notable entrants include aforementioned VP-for-now-at-time-of-print, and scorching hottie, Tom Raue.

DINING WITH DICKHEADS

The Sydney University Liberal Club has been out-Libbing themselves this semester.

Last week they dined with Scott Morrison, who didn’t reply to us saying he refused to comment on “water and wanker matters”.

Seeking forgiveness (jokes), the Libs managed to catch Cardinal Pell in the zero seconds between testifying at the child abuse royal commission and jetting off to the Vatican.

Mitt Romney is set to host the next soiree. Rumour has it Reagan will be resurrected for the event.

libs dinner

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