I’m disappointed in you. Through editorial error, you’ve embarrassed a well-meaning student. I expected better of you and so did Chaneg Torres. It is excruciatingly obvious that he intended his recent letter to be published in Honey Soy, yet you published it as if it contained his actual opinions. Honestly, I’m incredulous that you missed the following markers of satire.
Conservatives laughing at proles suffering, a la the ‘And Then I Said’ meme, is a staple of anti-conservative satire. By confessing such Schadenfreude in paragraph one, Torres made his intent clear. He proceeded to demonstrate a farcical misunderstanding of politics by suggesting that Australians voted for Tony Abbott, as if ours were a presidential system, something which surely no BPESS student could think. And then, to ensure no one would think him sincere, he called Abbott a “man of principle”. How Honi missed that cue is beyond me, much like principles are beyond Abbott. What principles could he have? Family values are a common claim but, as evidenced by consigning his own sister to second-class citizenship, Abbott doesn’t even value his own family.
Another thing which strikes me is the sassiness about knighthoods. Calling medieval Europe’s most brutal social role part of “our heritage” is almost farcical, suggesting it’s a cause for pride is more so. As the famously-unknighted Sandor Clegane said: “You think it’s all taking favours from ladies and looking fine in gold plate? Knights are for killing.” Good knights weren’t philanthropists or educators. The knights who abducted a rebel’s newborn daughter and dashed out her brains on a market cross were good knights. They obeyed and killed. Eventually, of course, knighthoods were awarded to non-killers, but they could only be deemed honours because of the glory associated with their violent origins. And those origins are not something to be proud of. No one wishing to be taken seriously would suggest they are.
There are more jokes I want to discuss, but the “stifling regulation” of your word count prevents my “free speech” from continuing. Besides, lacking optimism I mustn’t be a “mainstream Australian”, so it’s not like I even matter. Just try not to take jokes too seriously from now on, okay?