Comedy //

Get thee to a punnery

Sam Langford should be shot.

The offending Ibis Pope.

An unnamed comedy writer has been fired in punishment for making too many terrible puns. Honey Soy met the writer at Gelato Messina to get the scoop.

“It all started when I was writing a piece on that weather last week – I thought it was gonna be a breeze,” the writer said. “But then I told my editor I wasn’t sure weather I’d mist my deadline. She just stormed off. I thought it would blow over, but then the complaints really started pouring in. I’m a little foggy on the details, but I think they said I was full of hot air, flooding them with puns, that kind of thing. Really rained on my parade, that did. Snow need to be so rude.”

“No body really nose what happened after that, but I could tell it was time to face the facts. I was stalling in the bathroom the day it happened, but they flushed me out.” The editors eventually cornered the writer in a lift, leading to a conversation both parties described as “uncomfortable on many levels”.

“I kept trying to talk about how I could change in the future, but they were too hung up on the past… it was a tense conversation. Since then my articles have been redacted – it’s like censor-y deprivation.”

The writer described the situation as unfair, saying it was “completely punintended on my part.” They have even gone so far as to suggest an underlying medical condition forcing them to make terrible jokes, claiming that seven days without a pun makes one weak.

Now even more unemployed than before, the former writer is faced with a tough decision about what to do with next. “I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.” They feel they have been effectively written out of future journalistic ventures. “It’d just be like writing with a broken pencil,” they said. “Utterly pointless.” A brief foray in fine arts didn’t make much of an impression, as they didn’t find still life very moving.

The more dramatic arts, however, aren’t yet out of the picture. “I’ve been trying to write a piece for SUDS about my struggle with puns. I suppose you could call it a play on words.”

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