Honi Soit Awards 2014

Best Labor Faction – Socialist Alternative

We never thought we’d see the co-operation of two of USyd’s premier Trotskyist revolutionary groups but then SAlt and Unity signed a preference deal.

The Rhys Pog award for a status you’ll regret – Robby Magyar

That one backfired, ay?

The demagnetisation award for no moral compass – Alisha Aitken-Radburn

First Unity, then Swag. When you said unleashed, we didn’t think it would end like this.

People to watch – Harry Stratton

First as tragedy, then as farce, then as Harry Stratton. Usually this section is saved for an up-and-comer. This time, it’s for Harry. Keep watching, he’ll fuck up again soon.

Award for cultural awareness – Law Revue

Between the KKK skit and the terrorists on a plane sketch, Law Revue demonstrated a cultural sensitivity to rival that of the USU marketing team.

The Jam for Honi Soit award for killing objectivity – Mon Droit

Promising to rectify the ‘overwhelming left-wing bias’ of all other USyd student media outlets, Mon Droit burst onto the scene earlier this year with the bluster and talent of a lobotimised Alan Jones.

Bad Alex award for needing a new outlet – Chaneg Torres

For filling our letters page throughout the year with his endless shit.

Twelfth Night award for mistaken identity – #abbottatusyd #bishopatusyd

The John Howard award for non-core promises – 2014 Honi Soit Editors

We really fucked up with the GST. Sorry.

Days of Our Lives soap opera award – 2014 Honi Soit Editors

There’s still a couple of us who haven’t slept together. Still got til December tho 😉

The meiosis award for splitting again – SLS

Come on, Harry.

The Abraham Lincoln award for a house divided – Hannah Smith, Eve Radunz, Kate Bullen

Won’t someone think of the Bronson?

The Gillard/Rudd award for the most acrimonious split in the Labor party – Alisha Aitken-Radburn and Georgia Kriz

“You’re fucking scum!” #neva4get

The Nobel Peace Prize –  Malala Yousafzai

For the struggle against the suppression of children and young people and for the right of all children to education.

The Bob Ellis award for irrelevant political commentary – Rafi Alam

If you haven’t seen one of Rafi’s Facebook threads, you’re not connected to the internet.

The Harold Holt award for absentee leadership – Jen Light

11.07am, 11.54am, 12.07pm, 10.55am, 12.46pm, 10.57am, 11.32am, 11.49am, 12.01pm, and 10.29am. Times on a Monday when $42,000 of student money turned up for work.

  

The Honi Soit award for failing to fact-check – Grassroots

That was pretty politifukt up, eh?

The Callum Forbes award for fiscal mismanagement – USyd Finance Department

Accidentally transferring $500,000 to the US Studies Society makes Callum look relatively responsible.

The Peter Phelps award for not having moved on – Peter Phelps

Whether he’s trolling our Facebook page, Twitter feed, or comments section, Phelps needs to move the fuck on. Other campus notables include 70% of Juris Doctorate students and seventh-year Arts “kids”.

  

The Mount Vesuvius award for scorching everything in its wake – Elly Morley

Morley knows how to use her vocal chords.

The John Kerr award for political neutrality – Paulene Graham

You man booths with Unity celebrities on election days and then impartially deliberate between Labor and its righteous foes in USyd elections. Probably pick one.

The Robert Mugabe award for electoral transparency – Senate RO David Pacey

Thanks for picking up none of Honi’s 57 calls about the controversial Senate election results, mate.

  

The Tony Abbott “shirtfront” award for Election Day conduct – Harry Stratton

You’re meant to vote-spoil your opponents, fuckwit.

The Houdini award for disappearance – Sydney Arts Students’ Society

Who?

The Mighty Duck Award for Hockey enthusiast – Nina Khoury

Who knew the main threat of fee deregulation was to the elite athlete program?

Kirsten Andrews award for best response to an inquiry from Honi Soit – Hannah Morris and Pusheen

The Alain de Botton award for most pretentious person in the world – Pat Massarani

Runner-up: Ben Brooks.

Search for “Patrick Massarani AND goblet” on Google Images and “lordchamberlainII marque seasonally non-specific clerkship application” on Youtube.

The Barry O’Farrell award for a wine-related electoral fuckup – Callum Forbes

Cheers, Callum.

The Liberal front bench award for Just the Boys – BroSoc

We get it, men have feelings too. But to be fair, at least even the Liberals have one woman in Cabinet.

  

The Malcolm Fraser award for jumping on the progressive political bandwagon – Tara, Eve, and Robby on Stand with Raue.

Crossing the floor doesn’t count when it’s your only choice.

Dr Seuss award for whimsical linguistic games – Barry Spurr

We do not think that you’re a sport,

We’re glad that you just lost in court.

We would not like you in a tute,

We would like you to get the boot.

We think you are a bigot Sir,

We do not like you Barry Spurr.

Steven Bradbury award for an unexpected win – Liam Carrigan

Who knew the caribou had so many mates?

The “Just waiting for a mate award” for implausible denial – Tara Waniganayaka

You got smashed and fell asleep in a public place. It happens to the best of us.

Marie Antoinette award for unadulterated, gloriously unaware privilege – University of Sydney Polo Club

For when wearing Ralph Lauren just doesn’t cut it any more.

Runners-up: the entire USyd Law Faculty.

Kim & Kanye award for strange bedfellows – The Conservative Club and Unity

On second thoughts, not so strange.

Margaret Zhang award for insufferable self-promotion on social media – the 2014 USU Board directors

We get it, you’re obliged to spend time together.

The Socialist Alternative award for backing the wrong side – USyd during the Alexander Wright saga

Shame.

The Bill Clinton award for: “I didn’t have electoral relations with that student” – Belinda Hutchinson

The Pinocchio award for being a lying puppet – USU staff members

For doing Belinda Hutchison’s dirty work during the Senate elections.

Peter Pan award for refusing to grow up – USyd Quidditch Society

The Quad can be confusing but we don’t actually go to Hogwarts, guys.

The school chaplaincy program award for most pointless allocation of government resources – moving Hermann’s bus stop ten metres down the road

Peter Slipper award for suspicious use of taxpayer-funded cab charges – members of the USU Board

Seriously, your SSAF money.

The Khloe Kardashian award for being outshone by a younger sibling – Laneway

Once Courtyard came along, your poached eggs looked just that little bit shitter.