Ad for Henry Halloran Lecture
Comedy //

Single Dad Confident Kids Will Love Trip to Port Stephens

Sydney resident Darren Haningan has assured critics that the kids are going to love his planned family trip to Port Stephens next weekend. Hannigan, 43, has been working on an itinerary for the holiday since December, a month after his divorce from Bethany Smyth was finalised. Hanigan said the trip was “not just an attempt…

Sydney resident Darren Haningan has assured critics that the kids are going to love his planned family trip to Port Stephens next weekend.

Hannigan, 43, has been working on an itinerary for the holiday since December, a month after his divorce from Bethany Smyth was finalised.

Hanigan said the trip was “not just an attempt to supplant the position of weekend dad,” and insisted he was happy to hear that Tyler Westbrook,  Smyth’s new partner, was planning a trip to Fiji later in the year.

The children, twelve year old Jacob and six year old Lucy said that they “didn’t want to leave the house but it was the new custard-bee rules.”

“I think dad had a holiday house up in Port Stephen when he was as old as us,” Lucy said, “but that was ages ago. Do we have to?”

We’ll have so much to talk about on the way up, it’ll be good just to chat,” said Hannigan, unaware that his children were mostly curious about things like how much cleaner Tyler’s car smells and how much longer the trip would be because if it’s much longer they wish they stayed at mummy’s.

Hannigan has denied allegations that his holiday plans have anything to do with the annual Port Stephens salsa competition, which he and Smyth won ten years earlier.

“Oh, you know. I’m not expecting to run into Beth up there, but it’s not like I wouldn’t enjoy catching up with her!”

“I just think it’s the sort of event that she would’ve liked, so I mentioned I was thinking of going,” said Hanigan, entirely misunderstanding what Smyth had meant when she lamented the lack of spontaneity in the final months and years of their marriage.

In fact, sources indicate that this is exactly the kind of half-baked, contrived gesture that made Smyth realise that her then-husband just wasn’t making a real effort.

Unlike second Christmas and two houses, the Hanigan-Smyth children say that this trip is one part of the divorce that they are not looking forward to.

Those close to the divorced pair say that Smyth has never been happier, with even Hanigan’s self-described best friend saying he’s “more of a Tyler kinda guy.”

Smyth was unavailable for comment as she was fucking Westbrook literally all weekend.

Filed under: