Entries open for Honi Soit 2021 Writing Competition
Comedy //

REPORT: Date Gone Too Long To Be Weeing

Scientists have today confirmed that area diner, Arnold Pickering, has been gone from the table for too long just to be doing a wee. The findings indicate that the couple, dining at Armando’s Authentic Italian, had just finished their entrée when Mr Pickering asked his partner to “excuse [him] for just a moment.” Scientists at…

Scientists have today confirmed that area diner, Arnold Pickering, has been gone from the table for too long just to be doing a wee.

The findings indicate that the couple, dining at Armando’s Authentic Italian, had just finished their entrée when Mr Pickering asked his partner to “excuse [him] for just a moment.”

Scientists at press time stated “At first, Arnold was gone for just a short amount of time and we were confident that he was only doing a wee, but now he has been gone for about four minutes and we are not so certain.”

Mrs Pickering says that the results are unsurprising.

“Four minutes is clearly too long to walk to the bathroom and do just a wee. He is probably doing a poo.”

Similar experiments have shown that Arnold is currently heading back to the table in an awkward rush, perhaps hoping to conceal the fact that he was pooing, but experts have advised Mrs Pickering not to be fooled.

“Five minutes is consistent with a quick poo.”

Filed under: