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Queer Activist Caught On Sordid Heterosexual Marriage Bender

Prominent queer activist, Carl Templeton, has been asked to explain himself after being caught out in the middle of a late-night heterosexual marriage binge. Templeton, who has had a hand in more than seven rallies for same sex marriage equality, queer youth homelessness, and the recognition of gender neutrality, was found to have sworn to…

Prominent queer activist, Carl Templeton, has been asked to explain himself after being caught out in the middle of a late-night heterosexual marriage binge.

Templeton, who has had a hand in more than seven rallies for same sex marriage equality, queer youth homelessness, and the recognition of gender neutrality, was found to have sworn to love and to cherish, for better or worse, til death did he part, at least one woman in a modest service in a small Edgecliff chapel, raided at midnight on Saturday.

Witnesses claim that Templeton appeared to be in an altered state, with a neighbour reporting “He was slowly walking down the aisle, looking longing into her eyes, saying shit like ‘it’s the ability to commit monogamously that distinguishes us from the rest of the animal kingdom, the pursuit is central to the soul.”

The Internet was quick to jump on the scandal, with many claiming they could “tell” that Templeton was the sort to swear and swear solely to commit to a sacrosanct union under the eyes of the state and God, but only under cover of darkness.

“It’s cowardice and hypocrisy,” one commentator declared.

The chapel is a hotspot for private, lifelong commitments being made between husband and wife, with as many as ten such services being performed on any given weekend.