New SUSF Grounds “Definitely Not For Hunting Humans”
Adam Chalmers is definitely not a jock
SSAF negotiations stalled today as Sydney Uni Sports and Fitness (SUSF) announced their plans for a 28-acre extreme sports centre located at a remote site in the Blue Mountains.
SUSF CEO Greg Mannis says the site will be used for “large team sporting events and not for hunting humans”.
The new sports ground will feature a range of terrain, such as rivers and forests, complete with occasional log cabins for “camping, team bonding exercises, and hiding”, said Mr Mannis, while casually surveying the press conference, occasionally pointing to audience members and mouthing “you’re next”.
Mr Mannis pointed out that the center could provide means to teach a variety of new sports, such as white-water rafting, cross-country and marksmanship.
“We’ve obtained special licenses to keep a variety of guns on-site so our shooting team, the Manhunters, can continue SUSF’s proud legacy of elite sportsmanship and respecting the sanctity of human life.”
The Cursor can confirm that no charges have ever been brought against any of the Manhunters.
“With this new facility, we can finally hunt the most dangerous game,” said Mr Mannis.
“University funding, that is. Not people,” he said, sighting this Cursor reporter down a laser scope attached to a lovingly-cradled rifle.