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USU Board candidates 2020: Amir Jabbari

Honi's profile and interview with USU Board candidate Amir Jabbari.

Slogan: ‘Happy ending is here again’.

Colour: Black.

Faction: Independent.

Quiz score: 30%

Housewives tagline: ‘ I am a mogul; even if my businesses are make-believe.’

The policy statement that Amir Jabbari sent Honi Soit did not contain any actual policies, but rather the flowing prose of a candidate that is towing the line of a comedic performance artist. He styles himself as an author, life coach, pianist, ethical hacker and “serial entrepreneur”, which, as he clarified in his interview, does not refer to the kind of cereal that one eats. Jabbari will be running his campaign without a manager, making use of “automation” to collect votes. He assures us that he has friends, but that they are busy with assignments. 

He speaks in the same manner that one would deliver a TED Talk, presumably a product of his experience as a life coach. Amir Jabbari believes that politics need only compromise “one per cent” of the USU’s operations, and will personally be abstaining from it. He thinks that Ben Hines and Nick Rigby, both members of the Liberal party, are better suited to make political decisions. 

Jabbari’s policies are a literal interpretation of the 100 emoji. He has found “100 gaps” at the University of Sydney. He told us in his interview that he wants to fill these gaps with 100 new clubs and societies and 100 different types of food. He proposes a free campus delivery service, and thinks that the USU needs to fix the microwaves in Fisher Library. He sent us a document late Sunday afternoon that was a numbered list of 100 policies, ranging from the benign (cleaning common areas more often) to the absurd (dating programs to help students overcome loneliness, a “pranking program”). 

He also wants more parties, because according to Amir, everyone loves parties. He showed us a video of himself dancing at the Welcome to Sydney party as evidence of their wide held appeal.

Amir believes that the USU can double, or even triple, the number of professional jobs for students. This is an extraordinarily lofty goal, given that the Federal Treasury predicts the Australian unemployment rate to reach 10% by June. It’s indicative of his broader approach to the USU, which seems to be more informed by his understanding of the philosophy of Elon Musk than any knowledge of the organisation itself. He scored a pitiful 29% on our quiz, the lowest of any candidate. 

Jabbari tells us that he currently works 16 hours a day, and hopes to increase this to 18. This is how he plans to balance a potential role on the Board with his current role as director of HiDigitals, his own marketing company (which advertises it advises “500+ businesses” which in fact refers to its parent company). He is already planning his bid for USU President, including it in the policy statement he sent us. Though he is lacking in experience and sense, Amir Jabbari certainly has confidence. 

The full transcript for Honi’s interview with Amir can be found here.