As I scroll up to see the unread messages in the group chat I have with my friends, I’m bombarded by a flood of texts, reels and likes. For all the unread messages that are lined up in my notifications, our group chat continually contributes to growing our friendship during pivotal moments.
The end of high school
The events marking the end of high school — assessments, graduation, the Year 12 formal — were the only things on our minds in Year 12, and the main point of conversation in the group chat. Between the ten of us who were in the chat, the mood ranged from stressing over the impending HSC to excitement about leaving the school gates for the final time.
The end of high school was bittersweet. As Year 12 progressed, we were ready to turn our backs on endless assessments and heavy worries about our ranks and results for good. But we were also going to miss our six-year long routine of walking together from the station to school, sitting at our bird-poo-adorned silver bench every recess and lunch and chatting away in class together. With mixed emotions, we texted in the group chat about all these things we would miss — lamenting over the final photo of our bench, counting down together to final exams, sending nonsensical messages representing us silently screaming in our rooms from stress.
Some texts were sent mindlessly but some were sent with intent to share; their meaning emerging from and only existing within the group. Now they serve as a permanent archive for as long as they exist to, in the future, reminisce on those days with the people who made those days special.
The loneliness of being in a new city
After high school, we each took different paths and some moved away from Sydney, either temporarily or permanently. Unlike high school where we saw each other seven hours a day, five days a week, some were now hundreds or thousands of kilometres away. For those of us who moved away, their new cities were a blank slate to fill with new friends and new daily routines.
The group chat kept us close. In these ‘digital rooms’, time flattens and distance becomes non-existent. Through chats on Instagram and Discord, we texted and video-called until the late hours of the night regularly. During each of these conversations, we logged on one by one. We showed each other what we made for dinner, shared how our days have been and expressed that we missed being together like old times. Then, one by one we logged off for the night knowing that our hearts were fuller after having the funniest or most deep conversation we had. The group chat became a lifeline in overcoming loneliness and maintaining our friendship.
The time we found out the truth
It was through group chats that one night we found that ‘friends’ was a mere label of convenience for people who seemed sincere but hadn’t established the qualities that give ‘friends’ the definition we know it for. Through secret group chats created outside of the main group chat, the true thoughts and actions of people we thought were our friends were revealed. It was also through group chats that those of us who were excluded from these secret group chats came to terms with the revelation and took our next steps forward.
Exclusion from a chat is much easier done than exclusion from a real-life situation. We have every power to shape group chats by giving them stupid, and sometimes inappropriate names inspired by in-jokes but group chats also have the power to shape us by becoming spaces where the true dynamics of the friendship group manifest.
The first overseas trip
For years we’ve talked about eventually going overseas together but it was always a far-off reality. Vicariously experiencing the world together in the group chat by admiring picturesque posts of our dream destinations was as close as we would get to them for years.
When the opportunity to travel overseas finally came, the group chat was a place of excitement. From finally deciding on a time and destination to arranging all the travel essentials, the designated travel group chat with the four of us who were going became a hub of anticipation and planning. In between sending links to Airbnbs and the best value flights, we sent reels showcasing the best eats and activities in our travel destinations. The digital room became an organising powerhouse.
The job promotion
When we want to announce a job promotion or that we’ve landed a new job, the group chat is the first place we rush to. Whether it’s a role we’ve been chasing for years or an opportunity we found unexpectedly, announcing it to the group chat is almost an automatic response. Not long after sharing our news, a stream of heart reacts, followed by messages saying “Wooooo” and “Congrats” will have filled the group chat.
Being able to openly share our joy and celebrate our victories in our own private space makes us feel all the more accomplished for having made these achievements in our lives. Navigating adulthood can be difficult but when we have such wins in life, having supportive friends in the group chat is vital to feeling satisfied with where we are.
The future of the group chat
Some group chats become dormant but I wish for ours to endure as a lively digital room. Be it sending funny Instagram reels at 2am or supporting each other when needed, hopefully our group chat will always be our port of call.
