To my Dad, for helping me step out of my silence.
As a Pakistani girl raised in Australia, I have experienced major cultural differences concerning the status of a woman in Pakistani versus Australian culture and society.
I was born in Karachi and my family moved to Sydney when I was seven years old. I have visited Pakistan many times over the years, and I often wonder, if I had stayed there would my life have been different? I feel the answer would be a definite ‘Yes’.
You see, girls living in Pakistan face many gender inequality issues that we in Australia have worked to resolve. Our modern legal, social, and health framework celebrates equality for men and women in Australia. For example, we have equal rights for women voting and equal pay, at least on paper, however this is still not the case in Pakistan. I personally feel quite disturbed that the traditional patriarchal mindset in Pakistan still undermines gender equality, and that this is perpetuated by cultural values and beliefs that are in favour of men over women. I could discuss all the cultural differences I have witnessed when it comes to the status of men and women in Pakistan as compared to Australia, however given the scope of this article I will discuss a few briefly.
Firstly, a woman’s value in Pakistani society is based solely in terms of her social status. In Pakistan, women are viewed as ‘objects’ and subordinate to men. From birth there is a preference for sons rather than daughters; sons are seen as financial assets who will take care of their families when their parents get older. This persuades parents to invest in their son’s education and career. In Pakistani society girls are married out of their family homes into their husband’s home. This ideology instils the idea that they may be a burden to their own families as they get older, and that there is no value in investing in their education and career. Married women are viewed as incubators for their husbands’ children , so it is mainly the husband’s or the mother-in-law’s decision on when she may bear a child. In a study on young married women’s involvement in contraceptive use and fertility decisions, out of approximately 1,800 Pakistani married women, only 11% expressed that they had marital agency; that is a ‘say’ in their marital decisions.
Furthermore, a woman’s gender role in Pakistani society is clearly defined. Women are expected to marry young, become obedient housewives and nurturing mothers. Many times, there is an expectation that the wife will take care of her husband’s parents. It is acceptable for a man to discipline his wife by being highly assertive and punishing her if she even slightly tries to stand her ground. There are many ways the woman is expected to adjust after marriage into the husband’s household, from cooking for his family to adopting behaviour the in-laws agree with and dictate. If a married women is unhappy in her marriage, she is not trying hard enough to adjust to her husband’s home. Divorce in Pakistani society is a taboo topic and if a divorce does take place, the blame is greatly placed on the woman rather than the man in the relationship. Sadly, to avoid being ostracised by society, many women who face emotional and physical domestic violence put up with it. Interviews featuring divorced women in Pakistan reveal reasons for their divorce which include in-laws interference, lack of mutual understanding, financial exploitation, and torturous environment. The impact of divorce on women’s lives includes social stigmatization, psychological pain, economic crisis, and remarriage issues.
Finally, women have a limited access to resources in Pakistan. There are social norms when it comes to women taking a stand to access healthcare and support resources such as for their mental or sexual health. Mental health for women is stigmatised as women are viewed as emotional and turbulent, thus accessing mental health resources may be viewed as confirming this bias. Women’s sexual health is not a priority, and many men restrict women access to contraceptives as the choice to have or not have a child is the husband’s wish. Abortion is viewed as solely the husband’s right. There is a feminist stand to this action by the slogan ‘my body my choice’ however on a recent visit to Pakistan I was astonished that many women are against this campaign and support the idea that men are authority figures and therefore they should be the one for their wives’ final decisions. I feel that Pakistani women are accepting of such traditional ideas to conform to the society or to maintain a balance in their homes. For example, many women are accepting of ‘honour killing’ — which is the murder of a woman by her own family members if she has brought ‘dishonour’ to her family either by extra-marital affair or marriage against her family’s wishes, even if she is blamed purely on hearsay without any evidence. I believe that women are inherently scared and fearful of the overarching social and cultural framework that exists in Pakistani society and thus prefer to remain silent and bear the pain.
Ultimately, I believe Pakistan has a lot to learn from nations such as Australia where gender equality is given high regard and there is activism and organising to consolidate womens’ freedoms. I want women to feel empowered to take a stand in Pakistani societies for their rights and freedoms. I think the best way is if we start conversations about such topics and bring awareness and acceptance towards these issues as cruelty towards women. I feel very fortunate and grateful to be an Australian citizen, for many times I take my status and opportunities here to stand up for myself with my voice for granted. I will not be silenced.
