You wake up to the sound of the door slamming, your neck is sore. Beneath you, the shabby Facebook Marketplace couch that Paul swears he washed. Memories from last night wash over. Jacob. Paul. Missing the train. Your mouth is dry…definitely too many Young Henrys.
You spot your phone, famously on low battery and see a text from Paul.
Had to head to run club. Stay as long as u need. X
As an English major it always bothered you that Paul would use ‘u’ instead of ‘you’ but you can’t tell him that. After percolating on Paul’s use of ‘x’ at the end of his text you notice the time. 10:42am. You have ENGL2650 at 11 and you really don’t want to lose any participation marks.
You throw your hair up into a messy bun and shove on your Doc Martens, wincing as leather presses up against the blisters. You rush out the door, throwing all your belongings into your tote bag. You contemplate grabbing an iced oat latte from Soulmates but unfortunately, time is not on your side today. Rushing past the coffee shop, you catch a glimpse of a Drew’s Jersey.Who told them about Soulmates? Annoyed but desperate to make it to Old Teachers’ College in time, you race down King Street.
***
Panting and sweaty you fall into your seat. Amidst all the chaos of the morning you finally have time to think about Jacob. His seat is noticeably empty next to you. You were still furious with him walking away last night, but perhaps you overreacted. The door creaks open and Jacob walks through, dipping his head to make sure he doesn’t hit it on the way in. He throws something in the bin and walks towards you. You feel yourself straighten up, ready to have your usual witty back-and-forth with Jacob when he slides into the empty seat two rows ahead of you. Is he serious? You were willing to let things go but this is how he wants to play it? You still have to do your final presentation and he’s going to make things awkward.
Class passes by slowly; you feel yourself getting more enraged as the minutes tick by. You can barely focus on Graham Norton discussing the significance of Shakespeare’s Sonnet 43 and its commentary on conventional society. All you can do is furiously chew on your spearmint Extra Gum and glare at the back of Jacob’s head.
When class wraps up, Jacob is out the door in an instant. You stand up to follow suit. As you exit the room you throw away your gum and see a Soulmates takeaway cup at the top of the bin. Then you remember Jacob saw you leave Paul’s house. Could today get more complicated?
***
While several weeks ago you would have sworn the universe was playing a trick on you for all the times you ran into Jacob, now he was nowhere to be seen.
You saw Timothee Chalamet on Level 3 of the Business School, but when he caught your eye he scowled and rushed off. Anytime you jump on the shared google doc for ENGL2650 you would catch a glimpse of Jacob’s icon before he quickly jumped off.
You text Jacob and ask him to meet you at Courtyard.
Sorry. Can’t. College Rugby.
After a week of Jacob being MIA you went from feeling guilty to irritated. How dare he make assumptions like that? He hasn’t had a chance to hear you out and has consciously chosen to ignore you. You decide that enough was enough. You had class today and he was going to have to talk to you.
You made sure Jacob got to class before you and sat down in the seat next to him.
“We are going to have a chat after class today.”
Jacob doesn’t turn to look at you. “I’m sure whatever you need to talk to me about, you can talk about now.”
“Jacob, please. You’re not being fair to me.” Jacob lowers his head.
“Fine but it needs to be quick, I’m helping plan end-of-sem Drew’s formal”. You force yourself to not roll your eyes.
“That’s fine. Let’s go to Manning after class.”
***
You and Jacob sit down on the plastic chairs. Jacob is fiddling with the ring on his finger.
“Fine. I guess I’ll go first,” you say. Jacob looks at you, his whiskey coloured orbs clouded with an emotion you can’t quite read.
“I know you saw me leave Paul’s.”
“You do?”
“Yes but I am trying to tell you that there’s nothing going on there. I just went there because I missed the last train after our fight–”
“I’m so embarrassed, Y/N, about how I behaved that night. I knew I shouldn’t have walked away. That’s why I went to Soulmate, to get your iced oat latte from your favourite cafe. It was a cheap ploy to ask for your forgiveness but I thought it may be a start.”
Your chest tightens. “Really?”
Jacob begins to move his large hand towards yours, when a copy of Great Expectations lands in the middle of the table. You see Y/N written on the back.
“You can’t keep leaving your stuff like that at mine Y/N,” Paul says as he wraps his arm around yours.
What is this? Had Paul been carrying this around all week? You had seen him at the Vic on the Park for drinks after bouldering, and Wednesday trivia at the Lord Gladstone.
“Paul, what are you–”
“She’s constantly losing her things at mine,” Paul interjects.
“Right, then. I’ll be leaving. Y/N, I think it’s best we work on our parts of the presentation separately.” Jacob gets up and leaves.
“Good riddance, hey,” Paul says as he takes over Jacob’s seat.
“What was that?”
“I’m looking after you, Y/N. He’s a college kid, he’s bad news. Look at him, he walks around campus in his jersey carrying around his laptop like he owns the place. Whatever was going on there was just a bit of fun for him. He was going to hurt you.”
“I can look after myself, Paul.”
“I know you can, I don’t mean to undermine your autonomy. I just think you’d be better suited to a guy who’s more like you.”
You can feel an overdue monologue coming on.
“You mean a guy like you? Paul, you were the one who wanted to keep things casual. I can’t do casual. We are better as friends. You thought so too until Jacob turned up. You’ve got some grudges from school, fine. But get over it. I don’t need you acting like my white knight, I can think for myself. Jacob is different and I care about him.” You stand up and grab your book off the table.
***
Another week passes without Jacob. He doesn’t come to class. You know he’s still alive because you can see that he’s been working on his part of the presentation.
The following week is a reading week, so you’ve had no chance to try and speak to Jacob. You begin to miss that nautical striped jersey.
After two weeks of feeling trapped in a cycle of frustration and sadness, you decide to take matters into your own hands. If Jacob won’t speak to you, then you’ll find a way to get him to at least hear you out.
You enter ABS on a mission: find Timothee Chalamet. After what feels like years of hearing future finance bros discuss their vanguard portfolios, the mop of curls enters the lecture hall.
“Bonjour, Timothee.” He nods.
“Look Timothee, I don’t know how much you know but –”
“I know that you hurt Jacob. I know that he cared about you and you took that for granted. You aren’t the person for him. You aren’t one of us.”
“One of us?”
“A college student, Y/N.”
Exasperated, you reply. “I know I’ve been judgemental about colleges and I still think they are largely problematic. But I was harsh, and I guess it was easier to assume all college kids were alike. And while I don’t think that the college system – “
“Jacob is devastated, he was vulnerable and you -”
“Timothee, listen. It was a miscommunication. There is nothing going on with Paul and I… I care about Jacob.” You look down at your feet.
Timothee looks at you. You can see the thoughts processing. Then, he smiles.
“If you really care about Jacob, come to Drew’s Ball. Tell him what you told me. I have a spare ticket, my date decided to go to Byron Bay last minute.”
You hold back the scoff. If this was the only way to be in the same room with him and talk, so be it. If you have to swallow your pride, then you will.
“That would be great. Thanks Timothee.”
“Yeah, sure. Don’t expect a corsage or pictures with me though. I’ll send you through the details.” He begins to walk off.
“Oh and just so you know it’s a masquerade ball. I’ll sort out your mask.”, he calls over his shoulder.
***
Meet @ Drews main entrance.
Typical Timothee. He had made going to the formal near impossible. And you couldn’t tell Tabitha you were actually going into the lion’s den. You couldn’t even lie and say you were conducting an anthropological study, she would see right through it.
So here you are, sitting on the train from the North Shore in your Bec and Bridge satin dress that you wore to your Year 12 formal. You had contemplated getting off the train and turning around but everytime you almost got up your mind would slip to Jacob. His honey-coloured eyes, his stifled laughter in the Fine Arts Library and of course, his poetry. It was time to grin and bear it. After an intense interrogation of Timothee, he finally relented and said that Jacob had asked about you. Surely he still felt what you did. The walk down Lawson Street in your strappy Billini heels only make you feel more uneasy, you struggled to keep your balance weaving in between the bins and other pedestrians.
When you arrive at Drew’s, you see several well dressed and masked students, some boys responsible for the noise pollution. You hold back an eye roll, this is about Jacob. You eventually spot Timothee leaning against the sandstone wall, looking uninterested in the entire affair.
“Timothee! Bonjour,” he simply nods in response. He extends his hand, revealing a mask and you let out a breath of relief, you were worried that perhaps he would’ve picked something embarrassing. You put the mask on and follow Timothee through the grand corridors.
While your own formal had been quite luxurious, nothing could have prepared you for this. It was something out of a Gossip Girl episode. Timothee leads you to his table and there he is. Jacob. You can tell it’s him despite the mask. He sticks out from the others due to his height, placing him two heads above the rest of the people at the table. Jacob doesn’t seem to register you.
“Bonsoir, Jacob,” Timothee waves at him.
“Timothee, I knew you’d come. Who’s this?” Jacob nods his head towards you. You take the mask off.
“Y/N!” His eyes widened. You give him a small wave.
“Timothee, what is this?” Jacob’s attention quickly returns to Timothee.
“You wouldn’t stop talking about Y/N and she kept bothering me about you. You clearly have things you need to talk about, so…” Timothee replies with disinterest, never looking up from his phone.
“Look I agreed to it, Jacob. We need to talk.”
“So you came to Drew’s formal! Not getting a migraine, Y/N? Any nausea? I don’t know how you are coping in a room with so many college kids.” He turns his attention back to his friends at the table. As much as you want to fall into your natural repertoire with Jacob, you know now is not the time.
The meal passes uncomfortably, you can feel Jacob’s gaze on you and whenever you look at him, he quickly shifts his eyes away. Timothee doesn’t provide much comfort, he responds to your questions with a shrug and returns to his previous conversations.
Reality starts to hit you. You are at Drew’s formal with a date who won’t talk to you.You actually do begin to feel dizzy. What are you doing? This isn’t a Jane Austen novel.
“I-I I’m going for a walk, just need some air,” you tell Timothee, who responds with his usual shrug.
You weave your way through other college kids trying to find some peace and quiet.You eventually find the tennis courts. Finally, a little reprieve. Your head is full of noise. Why did you come? Did you really think Jacob would forgive you? Are the trains still running?
Your thoughts are interrupted by a gentle voice.
“Not running away, are we Y/N?” You turn and see Jacob with a small smirk on his face.
“At this moment, I’m very tempted, Jacob.” He chuckles. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to ambush you, but you weren’t talking to me. Whatever you think is going on with me and Paul, it’s not true. I promise you that and Jacob–”
“Y/N, let’s not talk about it now.”
“Please let me explain, Jacob I —–”
“Y/N, I promise we can talk, it’s just I am presenting the awards. Let’s chat after that. Okay?” He gives you a crooked smile.
“Okay. I’ll be right behind you. I just need another minute.”
“Of course.” He starts to walk away. “Oh and Y/N, nice mask. You really look like you could be a college student yourself.”
“Oh please, I would absolutely not–”
“Relax, Y/N. I am just saying you look good.” He turns and exits the tennis court.
***
The formal section of the evening is over after Jacob presents the awards and it’s time for the dancing. You couldn’t help but smile as he spoke, he seemed so confident.
You head to the bathroom for a quick touch up. You return to the main room and there is no Jacob in sight. Perhaps he’s waiting for you back at the tennis courts. You feel your heart beat faster with every step you take. The night air is cool on your skin when you step outside.
You see Jacob and this time he’s not alone. It’s a girl, but you can’t recognise her from her back. Despite yourself, you stay hidden and watch the interaction. She taps Jacob on the shoulder and leans in. He leans in as well, craning his neck down to meet her. Your heart plummets.
You go back inside the corridor trying to gather your thoughts, leaning against the scratchy sandstone. You then see the girl walk up from the corridor. It’s Olivia Jade, his ex-girlfriend. Shamefully, you did some internet snooping after your kiss at the Fine Arts Library. She went to Kambala and now goes to Drew’s.
You have seen enough. Time to cut off Jacob once and for all. You block his number and take the train back home. The 40 minutes give you the perfect amount of time to wallow and feel sorry for yourself.
***
The next week feels like a blur. You are caught in a haze of heartbreak and listen to Folkore too much. Tabitha tries to take your mind off it; she takes you to BlocHaus and she tries to keep your spirits high at Glebe markets. But, you still can’t stop thinking of Jacob. You skip ENGL2650, you can’t face him. But unfortunately, another missed tutorial will affect your participation mark and you refuse to let Jacob ruin one of your favourite classes. So you put on your doc martens and a brave face and make your way to Old Teachers’ College, getting more nervous as you walk past the taxidermied animals lining the hallway.
You make your way into class and sit on the opposite side of the room to your usual seat. You’re early and you hold onto the small hope that Jacob may have decided to skip class. But right on time he strolls in with his laptop in hand. If he spots you, he doesn’t let it show.
You keep your eyes trained on the front of the room. You try to focus on what Graham Norton is saying but you get lost in his discussion of metafictive texts. In the middle of the tutorial, Jacob goes up and quietly speaks to Graham. You try to stop yourself from spiralling. He’s not your problem anymore.
“Now, before we wrap up. Someone here wants to do something very brave,” Graham Norton begins. “Mr Elordi, will you join me at the front?”
Jacob slowly rises from his seat and makes his way over to the front, you spot his leatherbound notebook.
“I wrote this for someone, who I really care about.”
“As all great artists should!” Graham Norton interjects. Jacob gives a nervous laugh.
“It’s called Soulmate.”
“Profound!” Jacob smiles and opens his notebook.
“In the heart of the city, where whispers entwine,
Lies a café called Soulmate, so cozy and fine.
With laughter and coffee, you sit in the glow,
Your smile like sunshine, a soft, gentle flow.
The barista knows you, with your iced oat latte treat,
In this warm little haven, our hearts skip a beat.
Every sip is a promise, every glance a delight,
In our favourite café, everything feels right.”
You feel tears well up in your eyes.
“Well, colour me impressed Mr Elordi. This is what I want to see! Big round of applause”.
Once the class is done signing Jacob’s praise everyone files out. You rush out the door and make your way to the Chancellor’s Garden, you need to gather your thoughts. You sit on the bench with your eyes closed.
“Y/N,” you open your eyes and see Jacob.
“What was that?”
“You needed to know how I felt.”
“But, you and Olivia –”.
Jacob groans. “It’s not what it looked like. I know this is going to sound like a cop out but I swear, I thought she was you. She was wearing the same mask as you and one of those satin dresses. Timothee sent her out there.”
“Why would he do that?”
“He doesn’t want us together, he wanted to nip it in the bud. But Y/N, I don’t care about college or anything like that. I just… I just care about you.” He looks down at the ground.
“I am leaving college next semester, I found a sharehouse in Marrickville, one of Tabitha’s SUDS friends told me about it.”
“You’re leaving Drew’s?”
“Yes, it doesn’t make me happy. But you, you Y/N you make me happy”. Your heart flutters.
“You… you make me happy too.” You take a step towards him. You lift your head to meet his gaze.
“I am so so sorry Y/N. Meeting you has changed me, for the better. I want to be better. I want to act. I want to make new friends. Is there any way you can forgive me?”
You lean in and kiss him. It’s like fireworks. “I forgive you.”
He smiles.
“Shall we go to the Fine Arts Library?”
“Absolutely.” He takes your hand. It looks tiny in his massive palm. You walk hand in hand towards the Fine Arts Library.
