Last week, a mysterious letter appeared in the Honi Soit office, addressed to “one of the male editors”. Below, Will Winter transcribes the crudely scribbled message for… no, that can’t be right… the message is addressed to “all womben”? This can’t be good.
It takes a true man to look himself in the eyes and talk about his feelings. Today, I am proud to say that I have taken the long and hard road towards enlightenment, and I can see the truth. There is nothing more manly than being a #malefeminist.
Dear reader, you might think ‘aren’t you just a feminist?’ But no, because it is in my position as a male that I am able to seek clarity and truth towards womankind and her struggles.
#malefeminist.
This edition of Honi is about paralysis. What paralyses me the most in this world, is seeing all of the ways in which the women around me suffer. Women, girls, ladyfolk. I wish I could just come in with my big and strong man hands and give each and every woman the love and respect and economic parity she deserves.
It took a long time for me to become a #malefeminist. I was once one of those guys who thought that, if life was a game of basketball, then all of these women dunking on our hoops would take away the men’s champion league titleship.
Yet, on one fateful day, watching another woman leave my room after a smashing Tuesday morning of making her come like so so much, I realised: if all women are able to love me, then why can’t I love all women?
The thought clung to me like my lycra bike pants do my enormous, muscular calves. Now, when I’m not licking a spoon clean of all the yoghurt and raw egg I eat every morning, I am thinking about the suffering of all the hotties around me.
Sometimes, I think about the idea of a woman, even an ugly one, not feeling the same amount of confidence that I feel… it shakes me, and I don’t know what to do. That’s why I, a man, want to lend my voice to the movement, and write this piece for your little magazine. I also believe, in my opinion, that the movement has become quite naggy and stale as of the last fifty years or so.
What issues specifically are the most important to a #malefeminist? Um. Uh. Hmmm…
So to all of my fellow brothers and women-lovers, I say, take up the cause! The women around you are so important in your lives. They deserve to feel equal to you.
At work, make sure your secretaries feel loved when they order your coffees. In the club, if you see a bunch of women all hanging out together away from the men, make sure you go over and flirt with them, maybe even put your hand on their lower back as a sign of comfort and domesticity, to remind them that they are attractive in the eyes of a man. They’ll love that.
Blow your barista a kiss, even if your barista is a gay man, since a gay man is basically a woman. I didn’t actually speak to any women to write this, I just imagine it must suck to be a woman. I mean, they’re not men, how can they be happy?
In conclusion, I love women. I love being a man. And now, I love being a #malefeminist.
