CW: This article discusses domestic violence.
Abuse comes knocking at the door, again. Abuse has a loving, familiar face and an Apprehended Domestic Violence Order (ADVO) against him. He swears that this time, he’s going to change.
The victim could let him in and face the cyclical abuse when he doesn’t fulfill his promise to change; reoffending is not an uncommon occurrence, and it takes on average seven attempts before a victim is able to leave her abuser. Or, she can trust her instinct, attempt to turn him away, and risk the consequences of his anger. In 58% of cases in the Australian Domestic and Family Violence Death Review Network (ADFVDRN) focused dataset, where a male abuser killed his female intimate partner, one or both partners intended to separate at the time of the homicide, or were already separated. In 24% of these cases where women have been killed, the female partner initiated the separation. So, rather than being met with a fork in the road, the victim is instead met with a narrow, straight path to an unfortunate fate. An illusion of choice, her safety completely dependent on the anger and choices of a man.
Where are the protections that were promised to us against domestic or gendered violence? What is the effectiveness of so many court trials and ADVOs, when abuse comes crawling back to our doorstep? Many cases of domestic homicide have also involved a suspended sentence and an ADVO to supposedly protect the victim from domestic violence. Clearly, these aren’t enough to stop reoffending. In fact, there has been no difference in the rate of reoffending in domestic violence cases between abusers who receive a suspended sentence and those who are imprisoned, with 20.3 per cent in both groups committing another domestic violence offence within 12 months. How many women have been killed in that time?
117 women in Australia have been killed from gendered and/or domestic violence between 2024-25. This data doesn’t even account for all the women who are still suffering at the hands of their abusers — whether that be their husbands, their boyfriends, their sons, or someone else terrifyingly close to them — due to a lack of ineffective action from governments and courts. Whilst there are policies and funds and emergency national cabinets, there are gaping holes in these protections. There are deep-rooted societal issues that are not adequately addressed: misogynistic teachings and values, limited support for vulnerable women, and limited mandated systems that actually encourage behavioural changes in boys and men. This system isn’t built to actually protect victims or victim-survivors. It’s performative — grand theatre shows depicting court trials, drawn-out dramas between intimate partners and families, and in the end, a murder mystery of a woman, a whodunit with all signs pointing back to an abuser who had been let off with too many slaps to his wrists and no actual change.
The system doesn’t account for the period between the initial offence and court sentencing, to the reoffence. They don’t account for the manipulation that victims face to take back their abusive partners, to lie to officials about the abuser meeting ADVO requirements, or to even refuse reporting when their partner does inevitably reoffend. They don’t account for the women of ethnic or First Nations identities, who are rightfully distrustful of a system that lacks cultural awareness or sensitivity and has consistently done more harm than good to their communities. They also, shockingly, don’t account for the fact that waiting for an abuser to reoffend before ensuring that he is “keeping his promises” leaves the victim open to further abuse, stalking, and homicide.
Suspended sentences won’t work if abusers are not thoroughly being checked for behavioural change, or if courts ignore patterns of violent and criminal behaviour on the abusers record. Asking for help is barely an option when police responses are often insensitive and poorly managed, with officers having very little training in domestic violence cases. Anecdotal experiences have also demonstrated patterns of response times increasingly getting slower, especially when a household has repeated cases of violence. There is no early intervention when it takes weeks upon months for a domestic violence case to actually go to trial. There are no means of prevention when boys are swallowing red-pill content like candy.
Change can only happen when we start looking towards changing society at its roots. What factors lead to violent behaviour towards women? What structures are at play in enabling this behaviour? What supports exist to assist women out of these situations and educate men away from these behaviours?
Primarily, misogynistic values and patriarchal standards are the cornerstones of gender-based violence. This includes not only hateful attitudes towards women, but also isolating, patriarchal psychologies, and self-perceptions men hold to themselves. Abuse is a learned behaviour, so it is important to identify where exactly men are learning violent, misogynist behaviours from, and how to systematically encourage change in attitudes, values, and behaviours. Actually mandating actionable programs that manage anger, shifts views around gender, and provide alternative behaviours of coping, having process in place to ensure that men are actually attending sessions and growing as a result, and having alternative measures in place that simultaneously protect women from re-offenders — these are the ways that we can advocate for real change in the culture of abuse.
What it comes down to is, when the man with a familiar face shows up at your door, you can be sure that he has done the hard miles, put in the work, and has actually changed. It means ensuring that women are not put at the liberty of angry men anymore, that they are supported and protected. It’s time to cut the violence out at the root.
