In an announcement that shook the world proletariat today, the University of Sydney’s Chief Medical Officer revealed that a petition clipboard pertaining to climate change was the first case of a petition clipboard to human coronavirus transfer. The Rodent is uncertain at this time if this will affect all of Eastern Avenue’s petition clipboard population, but in their statement today the Chief Medical Officer advised anyone who is easily guilted into providing contact details or has a compromised immune system to avoid Eastern Avenue entirely. Vice Chancellor Michael Spence is refusing to rule out implementing travel restrictions for political hacks attempting to travel outside of Eastern Avenue, but has strongly encouraged all SAlt petitioners to consider guilting students from home and perhaps via an online platform. Updates will be provided as the situation develops.
