It’s Week 7, which means a few things. We are slouching toward the midsemester break which never seems to arrive. We are moments away from the first orgiastic SRC Presidential contest since most of us stepped foot on campus. We are counting down the minutes until the Student Journalism Conference, which is foretold to rock the very foundations of this university so hard that a specialist team of seismologists has driven down from Questacon’s Earthquake House to witness it.
Don’t let these big headlines fool you. In the white space between titles, standfirsts, and bylines, lies hidden some campus conspiracies that USyd does NOT want you to know about.
Campus conspiracy #1: The case of the green smoothie
Clandestinely and without student consultation, the USU pillaged Courtyard Café’s best menu item: the green smoothie. This smoothie, filled with spinach, apple, coconut, and more, was a fixture of the Courtyard smoothie menu for many years. But alas, on Tuesday of this week, a new smoothie menu was printed, with one change: from Green smoothie to Matcha Green smoothie. Spinach replaced with Matcha.
A very desperate editor spoke to the Courtyard Café barista for some clarification. She was met with limited syllables.
“Has the Green smoothie been replaced with the Matcha Green smoothie?”
“Yes.”
“When did this happen?”
“Today.”
The Fisher Coffee Cart menu still bears the old Green smoothie on its menu.
Campus conspiracy #2: The case of the too-short race
On Friday, SUSF used their bucketloads of SSAF money to give back, organising a free fun run on campus. This annual fun run is allegedly 4km — this editor tested it out to confirm that no funny business was happening.
Indeed, funny business DID happen. Though the Strava tax is well-documented, the trusty platform recorded the run as 3.55km, almost half a kilometre shorter than promised. A quick glance at a fellow runner’s watch revealed that she ran 3.47km to arrive at the finish line. This most likely occurred due to loose route delimitation and cone placement.
Perhaps this brings some clarity to the winning time of 12.20 minutes — or maybe I’m a sore loser!
